Twelve Days of Puckmas!
by MoistTowelette
Summary: Puck messes up hugely with Kurt, and in order to get back in his good graces he showers him with gifts from the Twelve Days of Christmas. Join in the festive fun as Puck and his friends give Kurt a Christmas and Hanukkah he'll never forget.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, or the Twelve Days of Christmas, which I believe is public domain now.  
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**Cracky. Cheerful. Festive. Funny. No, I'm not describing Lindsay Lohan after her check from Playboy cleared. I'm describing this story! I hope you like it!**

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><p><strong>Chapter One, Part One<strong>

**The Fuck Up **

"Babe, I said I'm sorry," Puck sighed. He leaned against the locker next to Kurt's, staring apologetically at his boyfriend. Kurt exchanged his books, pushing his Calculus text deep inside his locker and tucking his French text inside his messenger bag as Puck stared at him imploringly.

Kurt turned to Puck and smiled and in a completely false voice said, "I know, Noah. I've thought it over and I forgive you."

"So you're cool with everything?" Puck asked hopefully.

"Of course!" Kurt gushed disbelievingly. "And believe me, Noah, it was not a big deal. You shouldn't feel bad about it at all. I mean, eight month anniversaries come and go, but fifty-cent Wing Saturdays at Pizza Hut are a once a week event!" Kurt slammed his locker shut, scaring Puck a little with his intensity. "I mean, by Madonna! Had I known about their Zesty Ranch or Blazin' Buffalo flavors I wouldn't have thrown such a fit that night." His eyes gleamed in the harsh light of the hallway, and Puck scratched at his mohawk nervously as Kurt smiled at him with far too much teeth.

"Awesome…" Puck said, taking a step back from Kurt unsurely. "So…we're on for Breadstix tonight?"

"Oh no," Kurt said softly, stepping closer to Puck, "no, no, no, no, no, no. We're having roast beef tonight."

"Roast…beef," Puck said as Kurt cornered him at the end of the hall. "Sounds great, babe! We'll just go to Breadstix tomorrow night."

"No," Kurt said, pressing himself closer to Puck, smoothing his mohawk and tweaking his nose as he stared him down. "Tomorrow night we're having roast beef again."

"Again?" Puck asked.

"Yes, again," Kurt repeated. "And we're having it the night after that, and the night after that, and the night after that, because I HAVE A SIX POUND RUMP ROAST COOLING IN MY REFRIGERATOR FROM THE BEAUTIFUL MEAL THAT I SLAVED OVER ALL DAY SATURDAY BUT DIDN'T EAT BECAUSE YOU FORGOT OUR ANNIVERSARY!" With that Kurt shoved him back into the lockers with a resounding clang and stalked off, scaring even a pack of hockey players away in his anger.

"Ow," Puck whined, rubbing the spot on his chest where Kurt poked him. He didn't have a chance to recover from Kurt's attack as he was soon surrounded by the entirety of the girls of New Directions, who pushed him once again into the cold metal of the lockers behind him.

"What the fuck?" Puck cried as both Santana and Mercedes began hitting him over the head with their heavy fists.

"Can it, Puckerman," Rachel commanded, her arms crossed in indignation. "This is a dumbass-tervention. That's a dumbass –," she said slowly as if Puck were hard of hearing, " – intervention."

"And right now you are King of the Dumbasses," Santana said, swiping her hand at Puck. He quickly dodged it, but in his haste to escape her fist he banged his head against a locker door.

"What the – what did I do to any of you?" he said, feeling the angry eyes of all six girls bearing down on him mercilessly.

"You hurt my bestie," Mercedes said, glaring at him disapprovingly. "That poor little white boy spent all Saturday afternoon cooking a nice meal for you, messing up his manicure and clogging his pores over greasy pans while you were stuffing your face with Finn at Pizza Hut!"

"Not only that," Quinn added, her hands on her hips and her teeth gritting at Puck's inconsiderateness, "but you forgot your anniversary, which was a big deal for Kurt; and it should have been a big deal for you as well."

"Why should I give a fuck about a freaking anniversary?" Puck asked, folding over as Mercedes hit him in the stomach.

"It was your guys' eight month anniversary," Tina reminded him. "That's like twenty years in high school time. It should have been a special celebration, commemorating all your time together."

"Yeah, because neither of you have been in a relationship for that long," Brittany added. "Before, Kurt was just a lonely dolphin, and you were like the town doorknob."

"I was a doorknob?" Puck asked, exasperated at all their prodding and poking.

"Yeah, everyone had a turn," Brittany said matter-of-factly. "But then you two found each other and it was like a fairy tale," she smiled, fluttering her eyelashes as she remembered all the times she secretly spied on Puck and Kurt having sex, "until you ruined it," she said darkly.

"See that?" Santana asked, swiping at Puck again. "You made my girlfriend upset. You better find a way to make this better again, or else the next time your mohawk needs a trim I'm going to use a box cutter instead of a pair of clippers."

"Fix this, Puck," Rachel said, pointing a finger in his face threateningly, which was no small feat as she was much shorter than him. "Or else we'll have no choice but to invoke the Gay Best Friend Clause."

"What the fuck is that?" Puck asked.

"It's the part in a high school friendship where a girl and her best gay promise to always be there for each other and vow to inflict pain and hurt to whoever hurts them," Rachel said ominously. "Kurt was there for me each of the twelve times Finn and I broke up."

"He helped me realize I was still in love with Sam," Mercedes said brightly. "And he showed me the place where Beyoncé gets her wigs."

"He helped me get out of my Goth phase," Tina said, smoothing down her new, colorful skirt happily. "Remember when I used to wear beanies? Now Mike says all the colors on my clothes are a real turn on," she smiled.

"He comforted me when Lord Tubbington died," Brittany said. "But it turns out he wasn't dead, he just had indigestion from the stray puppy he ate."

"He showed me this special cream that helped me get rid of the stretch marks I got after _you_ knocked me up," Quinn said, shoving Puck into the lockers once again.

All the girls turned to Santana, who was crossing her arms. She rolled her eyes as she said, "He helped me pick out me and Britt's first double-sided dildo, alright? I owe the kid big time." She and Brittany shared a knowing smirk before they linked pinkies happily. The smirk fell from her face quickly as she eyed Puck murderously once again.

"We all owe Kurt," Rachel said angrily, "so you better find a way to make our best gay happy again."

"And word to the wise, Puckerman," Santana began, "these bitches and I have spent so much time together these last few years that our menstrual cycles are in perfect sync. Right now there's so much collective blood flowing out of our vaginas it looks like we were stabbed between the legs. We're all basically at Defcon One, period-wise right now. So if you don't want six menstruating, cramping, hungry, bloated, depressed, angry women ripping that stupid mohawk off your head with their bare hands, you'd better get this right." During her speech she'd stepped up to Puck and stuck her finger in his face, her nail tip pressing into his nose uncomfortably.

"If you don't find a way to make this up to Kurt, I _will _end you," Mercedes promised.

"Come on, ladies," Rachel said, all six of the girls turning on their heels and departing down the hall. "Fix it," she yelled at Puck, "or I will have no choice but to express my fury through song!" The girls left, leaving a confused and thoughtful Puck in their wake.

Puck banged his head against the locker as he realized he really messed up with Kurt. He saw Finn and Sam walking past and grabbed the two boys by the scruffs of their shirts before they got away.

"What the hell!" Finn said angrily. "They're giving away free Christmas cookies at the cafeteria and if they run out - ."

"Fucktard," Puck said, smacking Finn on the back of the head, "didn't I tell you to remind me of my anniversary with Kurt?"

"Ow!" Finn cried, rubbing the back of his head. "I don't know! I barely remember where I live sometimes. How was I supposed to remember your guys' anniversary?"

"Mess up with Kurt, again?" Sam chuckled. "Little dude must be pissed."

"He's not half as mad as the Pussy Pack," Puck said. "They friggin' attacked me right after Kurt verbally bitch slapped me in front of half the school."

"Was that him?" Finn asked. "I thought it was, like, Diana Ross crying or something."

"And the girls tore you a new one, too?" Sam said, examining Puck's face. "Huh. That _is_ Santana's nail mark on your nose. I thought you were just breaking out."

"Crap," Puck said, sinking into the locker, "I must've really fucked up with Princess for the entire chick brigade to be pissed at me, too. I gotta make this right with him."

"How?" Finn asked, staring hopefully at the students exiting the cafeteria with fresh sugar cookies topped with royal icing. "He's all…warm…and gooey…and sugary…melt in your mouth…" Sam flicked his ear as drool ran began to run down his parted lips. "What happened?" he asked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Puck and Sam stared at Finn, who looked back glassy-eyed.

"Why don't you just give him a gift?" Sam suggested. "He likes clothes, right?"

"Last time I gave him clothes he said he loved them, but I know he returned them for store credit," Puck shrugged. "I don't know how he got the sales people to take them back, seeing as how I didn't exactly pay for them."

"What about jewelry?" Sam said.

"I don't think he'd like any jewelry I'd give him, especially after that time I gave him a ring that turned his finger green," Puck said. "Fuck, I suck at gifts."

"What about cookies?" Finn asked, licking his lips hopefully. Puck and Sam ignored him as they continued their conversation.

"You'd better think of something fast, man," Sam said. "Otherwise your 'I'm sorry' gift will mash together with your Christmas and Hanukkah gifts."

Puck mulled over what Sam said before an idea struck him. "Dude, that's it!" he said happily. He picked Sam up and hugged him before setting him back on the ground. "Thanks, Evans. If you weren't straight and your lips weren't so big that I were afraid you'd swallow me, I'd kiss you!"

"Um, thanks," Sam said, straightening himself after Puck put him down. "But I don't think Mercedes would like me kissing another dude. You can kiss Finn though," Sam said, biting back a chuckle. Puck was too lost in his thoughts and took Sam's advice, rushing forward and kissing Finn. Finn sputtered and pushed Puck away, wiping his lips on the back of his hand.

"Ugh! Dude! You kissed me! And you've been kissing my brother! Agh, I basically kissed my brother!" Finn cried, spitting and rubbing his lips raw as if it could erase Puck's kiss. Sam, meanwhile, was clutching his stomach as he laughed heartily at Finn's expense.

"Not a bad kiss, Hudson," Puck smirked. "Not great, but not bad, either." With that he smacked Finn on the ass and walked away, letting his plans to earn Kurt's forgiveness form in his head.

**Part Two**

**A Partridge In A Pear Tree**

The next day Kurt arrived to his first period English class late. His teacher glared at him disapprovingly as he interrupted the class with his entrance and took an empty seat at the very back of the class. He huffed as he sat down, peeling his gloves from his hands and brushing the snow off his scarf and jacket as he got out his notebook and pens. He sat down, not noticing Puck was sitting next to him with an arm slung over the back of his chair.

"What are you doing here?" Kurt hissed. "Shouldn't you be in Spanish?"

"Spanish, English, same difference," Puck shrugged. "Besides, I wanted to see my boyfriend before the day started and give him his gift, but he was late."

"Well my car was completely iced and I had to pour hot water all over it just to get the doors open and of course Finn was no help, he got his tongue stuck to the windshield because he thought it would taste like a popsicle but…wait, did you say gift?" Kurt asked, looking at Puck unsurely.

"Yeah," Puck smirked. "Got it right here."

"I hope you don't think a gift is going to get you off the hook, Noah," Kurt whispered as his teacher looked at the pair suspiciously. "You forgot our anniversary."

"I know Princess, and I'm sorry," Puck said. "And I know 'I'm sorry' isn't enough, so I got you this." With that Puck took out a small wrapped box and presented it to Kurt. Kurt looked at it doubtfully, turning it over in his hands, examining the newspaper wrapping and dental floss used as ribbon before deciding it was okay. He bit his lower lip in a combination of trepidation and excitement, silently unwrapping it, careful not to tear the paper too loudly. He cautiously pulled out two small bonsai trees, each no taller than a foot high, planted inside a square pot that said 'Property of Miriam Puckerman' along the side. Perched atop the trees, glinting with a combination of duct and scotch tape, were a trio of DVDs, blank and unassuming as to their nature. Kurt stared at his "gift", unsure of what to make of it.

"What is it?" he asked distastefully, though he did a fair job of masking his tone.

"It's a partridge in a pair of trees," Puck said proudly, practically puckering his lips as he expected Kurt to launch himself in his arms and shower his face with kisses.

"Noah, the song goes 'A partridge in a _pear_ tree'," Kurt said, turning his gift around to examine the back. "Not a pair of trees. And there isn't a partridge in them, only some DVDs."

"It's the complete second season of _The Partridge Family_," Puck smiled. "I got it off a torrent site and burned it for you."

"Oh…okay," Kurt said, setting the trees down on his desk wordlessly.

"You don't like it," Puck said, noticing Kurt's lack of enthusiasm.

"No, I just – I don't understand how you thought a bootleg copy of _The Partridge Family_ set on top of a pair of bonsai trees planted in your mother's pot would make up for you forgetting our anniversary."

"Well don't worry, Princess," Puck said, wrapping his arm around his boyfriend's side and pulling him close. "I've got a whole fuckload of gifts coming for you."

"Wait…I'm sorry, but what is it you're doing?" Kurt asked, looking confusedly at his boyfriend.

"It's the Twelve Days of Puckmas!" Puck said excitedly, smiling brightly at Kurt.

"Is…is that a thing?" Kurt asked.

"Fuck yeah, it is!" Puck said. "I mean, no disrespect to the Christ dude; after all he was a fellow Jew. But right now 'tis the season for me to get back in my baby's good graces," he said, tickling Kurt behind the ear. "Just think of it as my way of saying 'I'm sorry for fucking up'."

"Noah, you do know the Twelve Days of Christmas starts on Christmas day and goes into January," Kurt said, pulling Puck's hand from behind his ear. "Today is only December fourteenth."

"Oh," Puck said, rubbing his mohawk embarrassedly. "Well how the fuck was I supposed to know it doesn't end on Christmas? You Gentiles always make things so complicated. Which brings me to the other part of your gift."

"It's not two turtle-Dove bars, is it?" Kurt asked warily. Puck chuckled before taking a crumpled sheet of notebook paper and crossing something off with his pencil. Kurt got a peek at the list, which had a series of numbers from 1-12 with a jumbled list of words next to each number.

Turning back to Kurt he said, "Well you know Hanukkah is coming up, right? And this year it overlaps with Christmas, so…"

"Oh, Noah," Kurt sighed, wondering if he could withstand more of Puck's gifts, "you don't have to do that. This was more than enough."

"Naw, I can see you hate it," Puck said. "But it's cool. You'll love what else I got in store for you."

"Noah," Kurt began, but he was cut off as the sound of the bell rang. Puck kissed Kurt quickly and got up to meet the guys to brainstorm more ideas for Kurt's gifts. "Noah, wait!"

"Can't talk now, Princess," Puck said, waving to Kurt as he exited the class. "I'll see you later!"

Kurt huffed as he looked disdainfully at his gift. He sighed as he tucked it back into the box, making a mental note to pluck the trees from the pot so he could give it back to Puck's mother. 'There are twelve days of Christmas,' Kurt thought to himself. 'Or Puckmas, as he's no doubt going to call it from now on. And if Hanukkah is on the twentieth, and there's eight days of that, that's either twenty separate gifts or fourteen gifts if he combines the days Christmas and Hanukkah overlap.' He rubbed his eyes, realizing it was too early in the morning to deal with Puck's insanity. Maybe he should forgive him for forgetting their anniversary and get it over with. He knew that wouldn't be enough, though; once Puck latched onto an idea, he saw it through, no matter what anyone said. It's what Kurt simultaneously loved and hated about the boy.

Kurt packed up his papers and pens, pulling his messenger bag over his shoulder as he tucked Puck's gift under his arm and made his way to Physics. At the moment he was feeling a mixture of relief and apprehension; relief at knowing Puck had given him his gift for the day, but apprehension for the fact that tomorrow would bear another gift, and another after that, and so on and so on for the foreseeable future, unless death came and saved him from his boyfriend's lunacy.

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><p><strong>Happy Holidays everybody! So you can expect a new chapter in this fic for the next fifteen days, until the last day of Hanukkah on the twenty-eighth...unless I get caught up in holiday shit; then it'll end on Christmas for sure. I'll let you know before then. It's just my little gift to you all hehehe. But don't expect them all to be this long. They'll be short little chapters, just basically Puck giving Kurt his gift for Puckmas (lol) and Kurt's reaction to whatever Puck thought up. These are basically just palate cleansers that I use to take my mind off "How Wonderful" and "Hocus Pocus", both of which I am actively working on and will continue to update along with this story. So yeah, hope you liked this! And a Merry Puckmas and a Happy Hanukkah too!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Don't own Glee.**

**Thanks for all the interest in this story, as well as all the alerts/faves/and of course reviews. You guys rock.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Two <strong>

**Two Turtledoves**

"'Sup, babe," Puck greeted, pulling Kurt forward into a passionate kiss. Kurt didn't deny him this, but stopped when Puck began massaging his tongue with his own.

"Noah," Kurt said, pulling away as Puck began to get more intimate in the crowded hall. "People are staring."

"Let them stare," Puck dared, leaning in for another kiss. Kurt dodged his admittedly luscious lips and rolled his eyes as he walked to class, Puck trailing behind him and admiring the way his ass moved in his jeans.

"Stop staring at my ass, Noah," Kurt said without even looking back. Puck smirked; his boyfriend knew him too well.

"I've got your present," Puck teased, falling back into step with Kurt and sliding his hand in his back pocket possessively.

"Another tree?" Kurt quipped. "It's not going to get me to forgive you."

"No, but it'll help me get one step closer," Puck said, resisting the urge to force himself on Kurt right there in the middle of the hall.

"Alright, where is it?" Kurt asked.

"It should be here any minute…" Puck said, looking around anxiously. "Ah, yeah," he said as Brittany walked forward with a large gift wrapped box. "There's my girl. You got the stuff I asked for?"

"Yeah," she squeaked, refusing to meet Puck's eyes. She gave the box to Kurt, who took a deep breath as he undid the ribbon and peered inside. He was expressionless as he stared down at the contents of the box. He eyed Brittany and Puck seriously before letting out a hearty laugh.

"Oh my Gaga!" Kurt cried, laughing as Puck pulled the box from him.

"What's so – Britt, what the hell?" Puck ripped open the box and exposed his second day gift to Kurt. Inside, at the bottom of an aviary cage, were two turtles with white wings attached to their shells, crawling around the cage slowly. Puck looked alarmingly at Brittany. "What happened to the turtledoves?"

"I picked them up from the pet store like you asked," Brittany said, almost on the verge of tears. "But when I got home they looked sad so I took them out of their cage to play with them. I only left for a minute, but when I got back they were gone and Lord Tubbington…he…"

"Your fucking cat ate my present?" Puck cried. "Do you know how freaking hard it is to find turtledoves in Ohio?"

"Noah," Kurt said reproachfully, no longer laughing. He was shielding Brittany from Puck's tirade as he said, "It's not her fault." Brittany began to sniffle and Kurt hugged her comfortingly.

"I'm sor – sorry, Puck," Brittany wept, Kurt stroking her back softly.

"Britt," Puck said, his demeanor softening as he realized he made her cry. "Aw, Britt, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. It was just a couple birds."

"Honestly, Noah," Kurt said, glaring at Puck. "Getting upset over something so trivial." Brittany continued to weep as Puck stammered out an apology to her, Kurt looking witheringly at him.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Santana asked, walking quickly up to Brittany. "Brittany, what's the matter?" she cooed, wiping the blonde's tears away.

"I messed up," she said softly. "I was supposed to help Puck with his gift for Kurtie for Puckmas, but I lost the present and now he's upset."

"What?" Santana asked, her head nearly snapping off her neck as she turned to glare at Puck. "You made her cry?"

"Santana, I said I was sorry and – ," Puck began.

"First you upset my best homo, and then you make my girlfriend cry," Santana recounted. "You want to end up on _Unsolved Mysteries_, Puckerman?" she threatened. "Do you want to be choked by your own intestines?"

"Are we really using 'homo' as a term of endearment?" Kurt cut in. "Because I have a few better suggestions."

"I'm sorry," Puck said imploringly. "Britt, I'm sorry – ." He was cut off as Santana lunged forward and began clawing at Puck's face, her nails coming dangerously close to scratching his eyes out. Luckily Mike and Finn were nearby and pulled her off before any real damage was done.

"Santana, I said I'm sorry," Puck groaned as Kurt helped him to his feet.

"Choke on your words, asshole!" Santana screamed, fighting the grip Finn had on her. "Make my girlfriend cry?" she yelled as Finn carried her down the hall, "I oughta rip your eyelids out so you can see me kick your hairy ass!" She continued to scream and threaten him as Finn carried her away, Kurt and a still upset Brittany following her down the hall.

"That's strike two," Quinn said briskly as she and Mercedes walked past Puck and Mike. Mercedes shoved Puck into the lockers behind him for added measure, Quinn and her laughing as they walked away. Puck sighed as he let his head rest on the lockers he was just pushed into.

"What's up with all that?" Mike asked. "You didn't get someone pregnant again, did you?"

"Naw," Puck said, "worse. I pissed off Kurt."

Mike whistled knowingly. "That is worse."

"Yeah, and because I pissed him off all the girls got pissed off, and then I accidentally made Brittany cry and now Santana's _really _pissed off," Puck said, letting out a moan as he bent down to pick up the turtles that were crawling out of the box Kurt dropped. "Basically it's just a giant golden shower and I'm the tiny twink in the middle of all that piss."

"You're not referencing another gay porno, are you?" Mike asked suspiciously. "I still haven't been able to shake the other one you showed us from my head."

"Calm down, Chang," Puck said, tucking the tiny turtles under his arm as he saw Rachel and Tina staring daggers at him from down the hall. "Get your mind out of the gutter and help me think of a gift for Kurt tomorrow." Mike shrugged, acquiescing to Puck's request.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading!<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, and Christmas belongs to...well, either the Christian Right reclaimed Christmas this year or the Grinch still has it.**

**This is the shortest (and hopefully sweetest) chapter I've ever written.  
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><p><strong>Chapter Three<strong>

**Three French Hens**

"Hey Princess," Puck greeted, setting yet another wrapped gift in front of his boyfriend. Kurt was seated at a table in the cafeteria with the entirety of New Directions, save for Puck and Brittany, who had just showed up with his latest present.

"Another gift," Kurt said warily. "How…delightful."

"I hope you like it!" Brittany said happily. "We made this one together."

"Hey," Mike chimed in, "I helped too!"

"Do you really want to take credit for what's about to come out of that box?" Tina asked.

"Well, if he likes it, then yeah," Mike reasoned. "If you hate it, Kurt, it was all Puck's idea."

"So Brittany _and_ Mike helped on this one?" Kurt asked, wondering if that necessarily made this gift any better than the previous two.

"You didn't make her cry again, did you?" Santana asked pointedly, wiping the mac and cheese from her mouth.

"No," Puck shot back. "In fact, Britt was a perfect little helper elf for Big Daddy Claus this Puckmas."

"I never thought words could make me lose my appetite," Rachel said as she pushed away her lunch tray.

"'Big Daddy Claus'?" Mercedes chuckled. "Seriously?"

"I haven't had to throw up so badly since that awful case of morning sickness I had during my second trimester," Quinn said, dropping her carrot stick distastefully.

"Alright," Puck said, yawning tiredly. "Don't hate on me for being a good boyfriend."

"We're hating on you for talking like a frat boy rapist," Santana said. "That and the fact that you made my girlfriend cry," she said, the entire table rolling their eyes; she hadn't been able to stop talking about it all morning.

"Santana, we get it," Sam said, his arm slung over the back of Mercedes' chair. "He made Brittany cry _by accident. _I bet even she's forgiven him by now."

"I have!" Brittany said cheerily. "Especially since he let me choose what to give Kurtie today."

"Oh, wow," Kurt said, forcing excitement into his voice. "You didn't have to do that, Noah…really."

"Just open it up babe," Puck said, nudging the box towards him. Kurt reluctantly loosened the ribbon and pulled off the box top, the hypnotizing smells of Thanksgiving and Christmas wafting from the interior. Peering inside he smiled before pulling out three rotisserie chickens, cooked perfectly with what Kurt knew had to be a sage-thyme butter rub. But these were no ordinary chickens as each of them were dressed up: one had on a beret and a makeshift white and black striped shirt; another was dressed in a black maid's uniform complete with a frilly white apron; and the final one had a high, powdered white wig on, along with a wide-hooped skirt fitted around it's center. Kurt set all three chickens before the Glee Club lovingly, looking up amusedly at Puck and Brittany.

"It's three French hens!" Brittany exclaimed. "Do you love it?"

"I love it," Kurt confirmed, hugging Brittany tightly. "Thank you both. Thank you Noah," he said, giving Puck a chaste kiss on the cheek. Puck held Kurt tightly as he stole a proper kiss on the lips from his blushing boyfriend.

"Those freakin things took all night," Puck said. "Do you know how hard it is to make a little wig for a chicken? And the dress…"

"I had to eat two boxes of popsicles to get enough sticks for the skirt," Brittany bragged. "Is my tongue still green?" she asked, sticking it out for everyone to see. Santana shut Brittany's jaw so no one could view just how long her tongue was.

"Well you did a beautiful job," Kurt said as he looked at the birds. "They're gorgeous."

"Well done, Puck," Quinn said happily.

"Yes, excellent work, Noah," Rachel clapped, withdrawing a sticker from her purse. "Gold star for today." Puck gratefully accepted the offering, sticking it on his forehead proudly.

Kurt looked confusingly from Puck to the girls, none of whom would meet his gaze. It was Finn who broke the silence by asking, "So are we gonna look at them or can we, like, eat them?" Puck argued with him that it wasn't for eating, but Kurt felt sorry for his hungry brother, even if he did just eat two hamburgers, so he graciously allowed the New Directioners to share in his gift with Puck. Puck sighed as he saw his hard night's work being hacked apart and eaten by his friends, but seeing the happy expression on Kurt's face let him know that it was all worth it.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading and reviewing!<br>**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

**Thanks for all the reviews!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Four<strong>

**Four Calling Birds**

Puck strode up to Kurt's front door, a covered aviary cage held proudly before him. He rang the door bell, a wide smile on his face as he anticipated the loving reaction he'd get from his boyfriend for today's gift. The smile was wiped off his face, however, when Burt Hummel answered the door. It wasn't that Burt disliked Puck; it was more that he didn't trust him. That and he didn't like the stupid mohawk on his punk head, or the way he liked to close the door to his son's room when he was over, or the fact that he found an open box of condoms in Kurt's room that hadn't been there before they started dating.

Puck timidly held the aviary cage to his chest as if it could protect him from Burt's icy gaze, something he knew he passed along to Kurt. "Hey, Mr. H," Puck said timidly. "Is Kurt home?"

"What's it to you, Puckerman?" Burt said, crossing his arms threateningly. "You gonna hit him with some more pee balloons?"

"_Dad_," Kurt chastised, pulling his father away from the door. "That was so five years ago. Honestly, you're worse than Finn."

"Who's worse than me?" Finn asked as he sauntered towards the door, his hand entrapped in a family sized potato chip bag.

"No one," Kurt said, leading Puck inside. He stood on his tip-toes as he gave Puck an innocent kiss on the cheek. His father cleared his throat, making Kurt roll his eyes. "Don't worry about him," Kurt whispered to Puck, "deep down he knows you're good for me."

"Very deep down," Burt said, dropping into his recliner, "like underneath all my bile and stomach acids deep down. The kind of deep that only morticians and medical examiner's can find." Kurt pursed his lips at his dad as he dragged Puck down to the entertainment room in the basement. "Hold on," Burt said, eyeing Puck warily, "where do you think you're going?"

"To the basement," Kurt said, crossing his arms defiantly, "why?"

"With that weird cage thing?" Burt asked, gesturing to Puck's gift. "I don't think so."

"Why not?" Kurt asked impatiently.

"How do I know what's underneath there? Drugs, alcohol, a new sex thing…?" Burt ranted.

"Oh God," Kurt groaned, burying his head in Puck's side.

"Don't worry, Mr. H, it's nothing like that. Kurt and I keep all our sex toys at my place," Puck teased. Burt's face began to redden as Finn coughed out a chuckle. Kurt hit Puck on the arm reproachfully.

"He's joking," Kurt assured his dad. "Tell him you're joking," he commanded to Puck.

"I'm just playing around," Puck smiled to an unhappy Burt. "Okay, wrong crowd."

"Sit," Burt commanded. Without even hesitating Puck dropped onto the couch, Kurt looking at him wonderingly for always obeying his father more often than he, his own son, did. He sighed as he took a seat next to his boyfriend. Finn was still standing, listening in to their conversation nosily. "What's with the cage?" Burt asked with finality.

"It's for Kurt," Puck said, presenting it to his boyfriend happily, "…for Puckmas," he muttered.

"What the hell is Puckmas?" Burt asked gruffly.

"It's this pretty cool thing where Puck gives Kurt all these gifts and – ," Finn began, his words garbled as his mouth was still full of chips, but a quick death glare from Kurt shut him up.

"It's Noah's way of celebrating Christmas," Kurt explained.

"Yeah, twelve days of gifts for my Christmas hottie," Puck said, wrapping an arm around Kurt and nibbling at his neck, sending Kurt into a fit of giggles. Seeing Burt's less than thrilled glare he loosened his grip and stopped biting playfully at Kurt's admittedly delicious skin. "Not including Hanukkah, that is."

"Twelve days of gifts?" Burt asked skeptically. "Isn't that a little…excessive?"

"You do crazy things for the guy you love," Puck explained, looking at Kurt adoringly. Burt had to admit that when Puck looked at Kurt like this he knew he must have serious feelings for his son, and he wasn't just using him for…sex. Burt couldn't help but shudder at the thought of his little boy being defiled by that mohawked punk . "Plus you know how us Jews like to spread out the gift giving."

"So, give it to him already," Burt suggested. Puck looked a little taken aback at his gift being put on the spot like that; he wanted to give it to Kurt in private, so that Kurt could thank him…well, _privately_.

"Um, okay," Puck said unsurely. He didn't know why he was so intimidated by Burt Hummel; he wasn't particularly big, and Puck was way more muscular than him, and though he looked dangerous the guy had a freaking heart condition that kept him from any serious fighting. So Puck wasn't sure why he felt like a scared little kid about to wet his pants every time Burt laid eyes on him, but he knew it didn't irk him too much; not if it was the price he had to pay to be with Kurt, whom he considered priceless.

"Dad," Kurt whined, "I think Noah wanted to give this to me in private." 'Bingo,' thought Puck, 'my babe knows me too well.' He toyed with the soft hair on the nape of Kurt's neck, an innocent smile still plastered to his face as Burt glared at him from across the room.

"No chance," Burt said. "Besides, what's he got to hide?" He looked at Puck questioningly, daring him to contradict him.

Puck shrugged as Kurt looked to him helplessly. Sighing as he knew he didn't have an adequate excuse for his father he lifted the bow and red cloth from around the aviary cage. Inside he was shocked to find four parrots ranging in exotic colors from a vibrant red to a deep, bright blue, their plumages a veritable rainbow of hues.

"Oh Noah," Kurt gushed, "they're beautiful!"

"Awesome," Finn gasped, sitting next to Kurt. "They look like the Froot Loops bird."

"Those are some pretty birds, kid," Burt conceded. "Must have cost you a fortune."

"Naw," Puck shrugged, trying to play off the excitement building up in his body. "I know a guy and he gave me a pretty good discount." He looked over to where Kurt was smiling uncontrollably. He loved them. This was probably the first of his gifts that Kurt genuinely loved. Even now Kurt stuck his finger through the bars of the cage and a bright pink parrot with a yellow mohawk similar to his own lept forward and nibbled gently on his finger. Kurt awed at the preciousness of his new pets.

"They're adorable!" he squealed. "I think I'm going to name that one Noah," he said, pointing to the yellow-mohawked one that chewed on his finger lovingly.

"Seriously?" Puck asked, reclining back into the couch arrogantly, his arms crossed behind his head in relief. "The pink one?"

"Yes, the pink one," Kurt said, smacking Puck playfully on the stomach. "The biggest...brightest...gayest one of the whole bunch." Kurt kissed Puck between each word, the jock no doubt blushing were it not for his heavy tan. Burt huffed as he found there was nothing disparaging he could say about Puck's admittedly thoughtful gift.

"Cool," Finn said admiringly, poking at one playfully as another hung upside down from a wooden swing. "Wait, what do these have to do with the Twelve Days of Puckmas? I thought today was four calling birds."

"Oh yeah," Puck said, prodding at the cage as well. "These little guys should be saying some pretty sweet things right about now." Kurt leaned forward, clutching Puck's thigh happily as he awaited the parrots' first words. "Come on, dudes," Puck said, waving his finger at the parrots. "Just like we practiced. Come on. Say, 'I love Kurt'." Kurt bit back a smile as Puck said these words. He snuck his hand into Puck's, embracing it warmly as he rested his head on Puck's muscular shoulder. Puck let Kurt melt into him as the parrots began squawking and crying.

"Dude, I think they're about to start talking!" Finn said excitedly. The room hushed as the parrots began opening and shutting their mouths, the words seemingly forming in their bellies before they worked up the strength to push them out of their beaks.

"_Puck!" _one squawked, sending Kurt into giggles. _"Puck!"_

_ "Kurt!" _another called out, its head bobbing back and forth. _"Kurt!"_

"They are so precious," Kurt said, burying his head under Puck's bicep so that Puck could embrace him wholly.

"_Cock!" _one called out, making Puck stiffen and Burt sit up in his chair.

"What did that one say?" Burt asked, looking at Puck.

"He said, 'Kurt'," Kurt said, sitting up straight as well. "He must have."

"No dude," Finn said, studying the birds intently, "I'm pretty sure he said – ."

"_Cock!"_ the same bird cried out. _"Puck likes Kurt's cock!"_

"What the hell?" Burt screamed, rising to his feet. "What kind of joke is this, Puckerman?"

"No, Mr. Hummel," Puck said, getting to his feet as Burt advanced on him, "no, they weren't supposed to say that. I was just joking around with them at first! Seeing if they could really repeat shit – I mean, stuff." Kurt got up and stood between them, trying to calm his father's temper.

"Dad," Kurt said soothingly, his hands resting on Burt's chest, "remember your heart, okay? Don't overreact."

"Mr. H, this isn't what I had in mind," Puck pleaded, looking at the squawking birds. "That was just something I said in my room while they were around and – ."

"You think it's a joke, talking about my son like that?" Burt asked. "You joke with your friends like that, punk?"

"No, sir," Puck said, stumbling backwards over his own feet as Burt tried to get around Kurt to him, "I would never – ."

_"Kurt's ass!" _the yellow-mohawked bird called out. _"Puck eats Kurt's ass!"_ Finn giggled at this statement, but seeing the seriousness with which Burt was eyeing Puck he quickly shut up.

"Holy shit," Puck sighed, seeing Burt's face redden.

"Dad!" Kurt warned, trying to snap his father back from madness.

"Son of a bitch!" Burt cried as he lunged at Puck. Luckily Finn and Kurt were able to keep him at bay, catching him before his large, mechanic worker hands gripped themselves around Puck's brittle neck.

"Dude, I think you'd better go," Finn said, struggling to contain a very ornery Burt Hummel.

"And take your goddamn birds with you!" Burt cried. Puck gripped the cage tightly as he flew from the house, the birds still squawking as he ran. Just as he was out the front door, however, he ran back inside and gave Kurt a quick peck on the cheek. Kurt grabbed him by the shirt and rushed him out, not missing the mischievous smile on Puck's face as he threw him outside.

"If my father has a heart attack from this I'm going to kill you!" Kurt threatened from his doorstep.

"I swear they weren't supposed to say that!" Puck yelled as he ran down the street. "But these birds speak the truth! I, NOAH PUCKERMAN, LOVE TO SUCK KURT HUMMEL'S BIG PINK COCK!" Puck yelled happily to the neighborhood. He saw a some of Kurt's neighbors stick their heads out their windows and more than a few doors slam, but he didn't care. Though he was halfway down the block Puck was sure he heard Kurt giggle amusedly at his loud confession. Writing this gift off as half a success, Puck picked up speed as he heard the unmistakable boom of Burt's shotgun explode from their house.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading and reviewing!<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

**Thanks for all the lovely reviews! I'm so glad you guys like this one.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Five<strong>

**Five Golden Rings**

"Rachel, why do you insist on dressing like a Victorian-era British schoolgirl?" Kurt asked, looking at her outfit distastefully. She had on a knee-length plaid skirt with a starched white blouse, with a dark blue pinafore pinned over everything. Her shoes were low and black with no heel, and they seemed better suited for tap-dancing.

"I do not," she said, clutching her collar shocked. "This look is very modern."

"For a character from a Charles Dickens novel, maybe," Santana said. She and Kurt were walking with their arms locked, giggling as they made fun of her outfit. Rachel looked hurt at them picking apart her ensemble, so she turned to Finn, whose arm was fitted through hers, to help.

"Finn! Defend me," Rachel commanded.

Finn looked helplessly between Rachel and Kurt. He shrugged as he whispered to her, "You know you do wear a lot of layers, and it kinda gets a little frustrating when I'm trying to sneak a hand up there and my fingers get caught in a bunch of buttons or lace." Rachel 'hmmphed' at Finn's comment, pulling her arm from his and stalking off to the Disney store.

"Bad move, Doughboy," Santana said. "Everyone knows you always side with the girlfriend, no matter how wrong she is." Finn jogged off to apologize, making Kurt shake his head. He and Santana walked on, preparing to meet their friends at the food court.

"Hold up," she said, looking down to where her and Kurt's arms were laced, "when did we start locking arms like we're off to see the Wizard?" She tried to pull her arm away when Kurt clutched it tighter.

"Oh stop," he reprimanded, holding her hand comfortingly. "I know how uneasy you get showing affection in public, but it's Christmastime, and despite our many barbed insults to each other we're friends, so we're going to hold hands and have a jolly ole' time or so help me I will shove a candy cane up your ass."

Santana smirked approvingly at Kurt. "I think you've been hanging out with me and Puckerman too much."

"My cursing _has_ taken a turn for the worse since I started dating that mohawked headache," Kurt said thoughtfully.

"So how's it going with…Puckmas?" Santana chuckled, barely able to keep a straight face.

"It's a veritable disaster," Kurt said as they passed Victoria's Secret, with Santana staring far too long at a large poster of Miranda Kerr in a lacey bra and panties. Tugging her arm so she was paying attention again he said, "Yesterday he gave me a cage full of parrots that did nothing but talk dirty. But I figure I have you and the rest of the girls to thank for that."

"Look, we told that sunbaked Slim Jim to make up for forgetting your guys' anniversary," she said, grabbing some cotton candy off the top of a passing child's outstretched hand. Stuffing it in her mouth she said, "We didn't say anything about making up his own fucking holiday and raining gifts on you like he's an NBA player and you're the wife he cheated on."

"In all honesty, I don't mind it at all," Kurt said as they got on an escalator to go upstairs. "I love the attention, of course, and he's become surprisingly thoughtful, and I know he puts a lot of effort into the gifts…but good Gaga if he doesn't give the _worst _presents in the world. I believe the Dursleys gave Harry Potter better gifts than he gives me."

"Yeah but at least he's trying," Santana said, examining her nails as they stepped off the escalator. "He could've given you a box of half-eaten chocolates and some flowers with the roots still attached, but he's going the extra mile and doing the big 'grand gesture' thing."

"I suppose," Kurt said as they continued walking to the food court. "So does this mean I have to continue pretending to like the vile things he gives me?"

"Either that or you could break the big baby's heart and say you hate it all and he's smothering you with shit gifts," Santana shrugged. They began to make their way through the maze of tables and chairs, eyeing Mercedes, Sam and Brittany at a table at the far end of the food court, Rachel and Finn sitting down with a tray of food just as they spotted them.

"Well I don't want that," Kurt sighed. "This is so unfair," he huffed, "he forgets our anniversary and now I have to pretend to like his gifts."

"Who ever said being in a relationship was fair?" Santana said as she spotted the table with all their friends. "Last week Brittany's stupid cat peed all over that knockoff Hermès bag I got from that guy's car trunk. Did I get mad? No, because I know she's fragile and she'd get so hurt by what I had to say that she'd probably still be crying today." She looked lovingly at her girlfriend from afar before saying, "I swallowed my goddamn pride and forgave her because if I threw a hissy fit about it, we'd both be miserable right now. You have to do the same with Puck. Swallow your pride, which you should be a pro at because you gays are good at swallowing anyway, and let Puckerman do this for you because he's a guy and he has to feel all accomplished and shit, like he earned your forgiveness and you didn't just grant it to him."

"Dear God this is annoying," Kurt said. "Remember when we were single and people called us the iciest members of the Glee Club? We didn't have to worry about anyone's feelings then, and we always put ourselves first."

"Yeah," Santana reminisced. "It was kind of fun being a selfish bitch like that. But that was really lonely and depressing. At least now if I get mad I have someone to have angry sex with."

"Angry sex is pretty nice," Kurt said, biting his lip deviously.

"Like I said, Hummel, you are spending _way_ too much time with Puckerman and me," Santana said. She pushed him away playfully as she walked ahead to the table. She came up behind Mercedes and took the plate of fries she was currently eating out from in front of her.

"Hey!" Mercedes said, glaring daggers at Santana as she took a seat beside Brittany.

"Give her the fries back, Santana," Sam said as threateningly as he could, which honestly wasn't very threatening at all.

"You'll thank me later when she loses weight and can put her legs behind her head," Santana said obnoxiously.

"Don't listen to her," Sam said softly into Mercedes' ear. "You're perfect just the way you are." Mercedes smiled brightly as Sam peppered her face with kisses. She turned and kissed his huge lips gratefully.

Kurt strode up behind Santana and took the fries she'd just stolen and handed them back to Mercedes. "Didn't we just talk about how you're no longer a selfish bitch?" he said reproachfully.

"I was hungry," she pouted, crossing her arms as Brittany rubbed her back comfortingly. Rachel cleared her throat, interrupting Santana and Kurt's conversation. She looked at Finn, poking his arm as he realized what she wanted.

"Oh yeah," Finn said, dropping his fork as he looked seriously at Kurt and Santana. Robotically, he began, "It's not cool what you guys said about Rachel's dress. And being a good boyfriend it's only right that I…I…" he looked down in his lap as he said, "protect my girlfriend and tell you two that she's beautiful no matter what you say." He looked happily at Rachel, who beamed a smile back at him.

"Finn, lift up your arm," Kurt commanded.

"Umm, I don't want to," Finn said, stuffing his face once again.

"Finn," Kurt said warningly. Finn reluctantly lifted up his arm. Written across it in black marker was the speech he had just given Santana and Kurt.

"You wrote a speech for him?" Kurt asked, looking at Rachel questioningly.

"What?" Rachel cried, looking amazedly at Finn's arm. "Why, of course not! Finn, what is this curious writing on your arm?" Finn simply stared back, unsure of what to say.

"For Christ's sakes, Berry, your acting is worse than that hideous bow on your head" Santana said. Rachel turned her head angrily from Santana and Kurt's gaze.

"We're sorry we teased you," Kurt said apologetically. "Right, Santana?" Santana gruffed at Rachel, her version of an apology.

Rachel smiled back. "Oh, it's alright. I know we, as best friends, tease each other lightly, so I don't take it personally." Kurt locked eyes with Mercedes from across the table, daring each other to laugh; luckily, neither of them broke.

"Yes, Rachel, best friends tend to do that," Kurt said, biting his lips as Mercedes chuckled lightly under her breath.

"There you are, Princess," Puck said, walking up to the table. He was wheeling Artie with him, a small festively wrapped box perched in the handicapped boy's lap.

"Noah," Kurt said, kissing him warmly. He stared forebodingly at the gift Artie was bearing, sucking in a deep breath as Puck presented it to him happily.

"You know what today is, right?" Puck teased, taking a seat next to him.

"Day five of Puckmas!" Kurt said, feigning excitement. Puck nodded happily as he sat next to him and lifted him up into his lap.

"Well Princess," Puck said, his breath hitting Kurt's ear, sending shivers up the countertenor's spine, "what you waiting for?" Kurt's eyes met Santana's, and with a deep breath he began to unwrap the gift. He could literally feel Puck's excitement; as he was sitting in his lap, he felt Puck's dick harden in anticipation, obviously more enthused about Kurt receiving his gift than Kurt was himself. Kurt smiled, knowing Santana was right. He had to swallow his pride and let Puck continue to give him things because it made Puck feel like he was accomplishing something. Leaning back into Puck, he continued to unwrap the gift, pulling at the tape at the sides and lifting the top off the box. Peering inside he was greeted with a curious sight.

"Do you like it?" Puck asked anxiously.

"Well, I was expecting five golden rings," Kurt said. And indeed, on each of the five fingers of his right hand a large, golden ring was placed. But it was much larger than a traditional ring; much, much larger, with a much thicker band. In fact, if his wrists were smaller he would've have assumed they were bracelets. "But these are…gargantuan."

"Holy balls," Santana said, chuckling into her hand. She looked to everyone for their reaction, but apparently she was the only one who found it funny.

"Ignore her," Rachel said. She urged Kurt to pass them around so everyone could see. Sam turned it over in his hand, trying to fit his wrist inside it to no avail. Rachel was examining it lightly, while Finn was trying to spin one on the table. Brittany was rolling one around in both her hands as Santana looked on amusedly.

"Noah, these rings are beautiful," Kurt said, still a little confused. Puck was thrilled Kurt loved it. He pressed a kiss to his cheek as he hugged him tighter around the stomach. "But don't you think…I mean, aren't they a little big?"

"Yeah," Puck said cockily. "But, come on, Princess. You've seen Puckzilla. You know anything smaller would probably cut off its circulation and make it fall off."

"Wait, what…?" Realization dawned on Kurt, his eyes widening and his mouth dropping open. "Oh sweet Mother Monster." He looked to where Sam was rolling one up Mercedes' arm playfully, and to where Artie and Brittany were trying to pull one apart, while on the opposite side of the table Rachel was admiring one and Finn continued to try to spin one like a top. "Please tell me you didn't get me – ."

"Cock rings!" Santana laughed out, the others looking at her shocked. "You got Hummel five golden _cock _rings! Oh shit," she said, wiping her eyes as she'd been laughing so hard tears were forming.

"Ew…ew, ew, ew, ew!" Rachel screamed, letting the ring she was holding fall from her hands to the floor with a clang. She got to her feet and rushed to the bathroom, her hands flapping out before her as if she were trying to fly. Mercedes rushed behind her, rubbing her arm worriedly as she went.

"Mercedes! Come on, it's not like they were used!" Sam said, getting to his feet to chase his girlfriend. "They're not used, are they?" he asked Puck. Puck shook his head no, so Sam continued to chase her down.

"Why… for why, Noah?" Kurt asked, turning in Puck's lap to stare at his boyfriend.

"I don't know," Puck shrugged. "I mean, I was going to get you jewelry and shit, but I didn't have enough money to get you the good stuff, and I thought, 'If I can't get my baby the greatest, most expensive golden rings in the whole fuckin world to put on his pretty little fingers, than I'm going to get something just as good to put on my pretty big dick'."

"Gross, dude," Finn said, still staring wondrously at the cock ring in his hand. "So like, you stick your dick in there?"

"Yeah, bro, your dick and balls," Puck said knowingly. "It keeps you from cumming too fast."

"Seriously?" Finn asked excitedly. "Oh, well, um…Kurt, if you want I can hold this for you until we get home, if it's alright…not that I need it or anything but I'd be doing it for you, you know…for reasons and…stuff." He continued turning it around in his hands, refusing to meet anyone's stare.

"Go ahead, Finn," Kurt said, blinking his eyes resignedly. "And don't ever mention this to anyone ever again. Especially my dad."

"Can I just say, as someone who's taken a ride on the Finnegan Express," Santana began, "and I do mean _express_, that that cock ring might be a life saver should you ever want to break your record of thirty-seconds." Finn glared at the grinning Santana from across the table.

"Play nice, Santana," Kurt said from atop Puck's lap, Puck resting his head lovingly on his boyfriend's shoulder.

"I gotta go check on Rachel," Finn said, getting to his feet. He quickly snatched up the cock ring from the table and pocketed it, smiling awkwardly as he left.

"Well at least someone likes it," Kurt said, rubbing his hands over Puck's, which were resting on his stomach.

"Don't worry, Princess," Puck said breathily into his ear, "I still got seven more days to give you some perfect gifts. And don't forget Hanukkah starts this Tuesday night."

"Oh joy," Kurt said, thankful that Puck couldn't see the lack of smile on his face at the fact that there were still many more gifts to be given.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading and reviewing!<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, though check back with me in five years. Let's just say I have plans…bwahahaha!**

**A/N: I tried to keep this fic clean. Honest I did! It's the holidays, after all, and I tried to think of the Baby Jesus letting his hair down from that tower to see if there's six more weeks of winter…(okay, I may have gotten that from **_**Will & Grace**_**) anyways, I tried to make it family friendly and what not, with only mild swearing and suggestive **_**themes**_**, but no full out freakiness…but like all my fics, this one got dirty. Not 'super-freaky, weird corner of the bookstore, illicit site on the internet that I'm pretty sure I'll be arrested for just looking at' dirty, but like 'softcore-Cinemax, no real fluids or penetration or splayed body parts' dirty. But yeah, this is the chapter that I had to change the rating from 'T' to 'M', just to be safe. So, yeah…enjoy!**

****Special thanks to JasonDragon64, who inspired this story with his review for the previous chapter. I don't know why, but I couldn't think of anything for Puck to give Kurt in this chap, but after reading your review and your suggestion and seeing the word 'cock' so much, I came up with this. I hope it lives up to your expectations, and thank you for inspiring it!****

_Italics = Puck lip-syncing_

_**Bold italics = the boys lip syncing**_

**The song they lip-sync to is Katy Perry's "Peacock".**

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><p><strong>Chapter Six<br>**

**Six Geese-A-Laying**

"Alright," Puck said, clasping his hands excitedly. "You motherfuckers ready to put on a show?" His five friends shuffled around nervously in the hall in front of the cafeteria, staring down at the floor and refusing to meet Puck's gaze. "Oh, come on! Don't tell me you're chickening out."

"Dude, we're not scared or anything. It's just a little weird doing…this," Finn said uneasily. He clutched his costume tighter to himself, looking around nervously to his friends for support.

"Finn's right, Puck," Mike said. "I don't know if I'm up to this."

"Besides, won't we get in trouble for this?" Sam asked, stepping up with the other boys, shivering inside his loose costume.

"Yes, we will," Blaine answered, looking up to Puck menacingly. "Puck, you can't blackmail us into doing something that could get us expelled."

"We could get expelled?" Artie asked alarmed.

"Don't listen to him, Wheels. Frodo doesn't even go here," Puck said. "Look, I don't know what you're all worried about. We're all a bunch of sexy studs who's going to make every chick soak their panties and every guy blow their wad in there. Besides, don't make me remind you guys of how epically you owe me." The boys sighed and rolled their eyes as Puck counted off the favors he'd done for them in the past.

"Finn, if it weren't for me and the 'happy pills' I got for you, your little Finnling would still be stage shy," Puck said. Finn's mouth dropped in indignation as Puck voiced his occasional erectile dysfunction.

"Evans, I taught you how to manscape that jungle you had going on down there, and I didn't even say anything when you popped a boner while I was shaving your balls," Puck reminded a blushing Sam. "And don't even get me started on the whole 'waxing your ass' thing."

"And Professor X, I talked Brittany and Santana into having a threeway with you," Puck said to a smirking Artie. "Word has it that it wasn't it a one time thing, either." Artie and Puck high fived, the disabled boy grinning as he realized he had another "date" with the two of them that night.

"Mike, who helped you out that time you got that cock pump stuck to your johnson?" Puck asked. Mike simply looked away as he muttered, "You." Puck ruffled his hair good-naturedly, making the Asian boy roll his eyes.

"And Caterpillar Brows," Puck said to Blaine, "You're like best friends with my boy, so you should be ready and willing to do this. Plus, remember it was Kurt that taught you how to give a proper bj with a complete mouth-to-cock demonstration when you first started dating Karofsky."

"_You_ were there, too," Blaine accused. "And you jumped in. It's not like we did it behind your back."

"Still, me and my baby swallowed," Puck reminded him. "Did you?" Blaine broke his gaze and looked away ashamedly.

"Okay," Blaine conceded, scratching at his itchy costume. "We'll do it." The other boys nodded unenthusiastically, groaning and moping about.

"Good choice," Puck said, slapping him on the ass. Blaine opened his mouth for a retort when Rachel came stalking down the hall.

"Oh for the love of Barbara," Rachel cried, her sweater cape billowing as she strode toward them. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I swear I didn't do it," Finn said, raising his arms up innocently. "That must be yogurt or something on your underwear."

"No – what? Ew," she said, scrunching her face up in disgust. "You're no longer allowed unsupervised in my room."

"What's up, my hot American Jew-ess?" Puck said happily. "Want to get a picture of all of us before the big reveal?"

"No, but I do want to talk about that," Rachel said, looking distastefully at the costumes the boys had donned. "Noah, you can't seriously consider going through with this."

"Why not?" Puck asked, sticking his hand down the front of his costume, rearranging his junk, and then bringing his fingers up to his nose for a quick whiff. "This is probably the greatest idea I've had yet."

"Look, I don't know why none of you supposed 'men' had the backbone to stand up to Puck, but I've arrived just in time to try and reason not only with him, but all of you," Rachel said urgently. "Don't do this. It's a bad idea."

"Sorry, Rachel, but after Puck's speech my adrenaline is flowing and I can't stop myself," Artie said confidently. "I was hesitant at first, but now, knowing I'm going on...I'm hyped!"

"Lieutenant Dan is right," Puck said, slapping Artie on the shoulder approvingly. "We got our game faces on right now."

"Yeah," Sam said, letting out a breath and clapping excitedly. "It _is_ like before a big game. I'm all wired and excited," he said, bouncing around from one foot to the other. "Whoo! Feeling crazy!" he yelled, his blond hair bouncing with him as he hopped around Mike, who couldn't help but laugh and join in.

Rachel looked imploringly to Finn and Blaine. "Blaine, you can't seriously consider doing this."

"Sorry, Rach, but Kurt's my best friend, and if Puck thinks this will make him happy I'm all for it." He shrugged to her apologetically as he joined in with the other boys, bouncing around and making weird animal noises as they got psyched up.

"I thought I was his best friend," Rachel said softly under her breath. She turned to Finn and begged him to reconsider.

"Five minutes ago I would've, but now all the guys are into it, and you know how susceptible I am to peer pressure," Finn said. He kissed her on the cheek as he joined the boys jumping around.

"Who taught you that word?" Rachel shrieked. Seeing she was being ignored she stalked off to the cafeteria, the yelling of the boys ringing in her ears as she went to warn the other girls that she'd failed.

"Alright, you sexy fuckers," Puck said as the boys all huddled together in a circle. "Now we're going to go out there and give these lame assholes the best fucking show in the world, right?"

"RIGHT!" the boys screamed back, knocking their heads together wildly.

"And we're not gonna stop until they chase us away, right?" Puck gruffed.

"RIGHT!" they yelled.

"And we're gonna rock out with our cocks out because we got the best cocks in this whole fucking county, right?"

"RIGHT!" they cried.

"Alright!" Puck yelled, beating his chest in anticipation. "Let's go out there and show 'em just how much meat the New Directioners are packing!"

"Yeah!" they all screamed. With that they threw the doors to the cafeteria open, rushing inside as they began strutting around in their costumes. Puck signaled to Brittany in the corner, who pressed play as she was instructed. Soon the speakers of the cafeteria were booming with the infectious pop sound of a Katy Perry song.

_"I wanna see your peacock – cock – cock, your peacock – cock, your peacock – cock – cock, your peacock!"_

"I'm so sorry, Kurt," Rachel said, taking a seat at the table with Kurt and the other girls.

"For what?" Kurt said. Seeing the boys arrive Kurt's eyes widened and he groaned out, "Give me strength, oh Oprah."

"Ladies and gentlemen," Brittany said into a microphone over the beat, "THE NUDE ERECTIONERS!" Though she'd mispronounced the name in a few minutes it would seem perfectly adequate. The cafeteria erupted into applause and raucous hoots of laughter as the boys entered in their costumes.

Puck and the boys were dressed head to toe in giant peacock outfits. They had on boots that looked like chicken legs, and yellow pants and teal shirts. Attached to their backs, however, were large peacock tails with blooming feathers, swaying around dangerously as they danced, while hats with large beaks were perched atop their heads.

"This one goes out to my baby, Kurt Hummel!" Puck announced, pointing happily to a quivering Kurt. "Merry Sixth Day of Puckmas, Princess!"

"Tell me when it's over," Kurt said, covering his eyes as the boys danced around the table.

_"Word on the street you got something to show me, me. Magical, colorful, myster - mystery. I'm intrigued for a peek, bet it's fascinating,"_ Puck lip-synced, grinding up against a blushing Kurt. He lifted off his shirt, the hat falling to the floor as he put his gorgeously sculpted chest on display.

_**"Come on baby, let me see what you're hiding underneath," **_the other boys sang. They were dancing around the cafeteria, rubbing themselves seductively as they ripped off their shirts as well. Blaine was spinning Artie as he pulled his shirt off, while Sam ripped his open like the Hulk. Finn swung his around and threw it into the raucous crowd, while Mike slung his off and began flexing his body toned from dancing.

_"Words up your sleeve, such a tease, wanna see the show – ow, in 3D, a movie, heard it's beautiful - ul. Be the judge and my girls gonna take a bow." _Puck was rubbing his crotch roughly. He licked his finger and he eyed Kurt lustfully as he straddled him, grinding on the countertenor's lap. Puck laughed as Kurt rolled his eyes, biting back a smile from his boyfriend's antics.

_ "__**Come on baby, let me see what you're hiding underneath," **_the boys lip-synced, their hands raised questioningly as if they were indeed asking for Puck to show his manhood.

_ "I want the jaw dropping, eye popping, head turning, body shocking! __**(Oh, aye oh oh! Oh oh aye oh oh!)**__. I want my heart pounding, ground shaking, show stopping, amazing!" _They all jumped on whatever table was nearest them, Artie staying low as Brittany happily wheeled him around. Puck had jumped on Kurt's table, dancing around as he gave his boyfriend an eyeful of his body from up high. At once they ripped off their pants, which were apparently only held together with Velcro, and threw them to their fellow students; the peacock tails were tapped around their stomachs, apparently a separate piece of the costume altogether. They smiled widely as they sang, showing off their thin g-string underwear with a picture of peacock on the front. They were all apparently…_excited_…as there was nothing waving around in their underwear; indeed all were true to their group name and were sporting erections that they had tucked to the side, so it looked as if they were smuggling steel rods in their g-strings.

Kurt and the girls couldn't help but laugh at their friends and boyfriends. They were hooting and catcalling with the rest of the cafeteria, Santana even throwing dollar bills to the gathered boys. Puck thrust his crotch towards Kurt, who was laughing and burying his face into Mercedes' shoulder, who had just seen Sam twirl around in his thong and point lovingly back to her.

Puck sank to his knees on the table in front of Kurt as he lip-synced the next part. He took Kurt's hand and placed it inside his underwear as he asked, "_Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock? Don't be a chicken boy, stop acting like a beyotch. I'mma peace out if you don't give me the payoff."_ He could feel Kurt gripping his cock tightly as he kissed him passionately on the lips.

_** "Come on baby let me see what you're hiding underneath,"**_ the boys sang, feeling up their own erections. Even Finn, who was about as sexy as a fetus, seemed to be arousing the lusty screams of a table of Cheerios, much to Rachel's chagrin.

_"Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?_" Puck asked, leaning into Kurt's ear and whispering it huskily. "_What you waiting for, it's time for you to show it off. Don't be a shy kind of a guy, I bet it's beautiful." _With that he stood up and tore off his g-string so he was standing buck naked on the table in front of Kurt and all the girls, his peacock tail still perched right above his muscled ass. Kurt began laughing wildly, he and Mercedes gripping each other in hysterics as Puck kept dancing, his very large boner waving in the open. Tina and Quinn held their heads together, giggling uncontrollably, while Rachel shut her eyes and tried to shield Santana's eyes as well; it didn't work, as she simply pushed the smaller girl's hand away.

_**"Come on baby, let me see what you're hiding underneath." **_With that cue the boys ripped their own underwear off as well, the cafeteria suddenly filled with six cocks parading about in the open. Artie, who was very well endowed, was spinning around as he showed off his pride and joy, Brittany swatting at it playfully; Finn's was sticking straight up as he tried his best to dance seductively, failing miserably as his peacock tail hit him in the back; Sam was waving his around like a toy, making it go in circles and flexing his pubic muscles to make it go up and down as he smiled proudly at Mercedes, who rolled her eyes with a chuckle; Mike was making his boner slap his stomach playfully, his low-hanging balls swaying around as he grinned at Tina, who waved back encouragingly; Blaine's boner stuck straight out, and it bobbed happily as he spun around on his heel as he loved to do, making some of the football boys stare at him appreciatively, his boyfriend Karofsky licking his lips lustfully. Puck continued dancing on the table, Kurt and Mercedes whispering naughty jokes to one another now that they'd seen each other's boyfriends in the nude.

"Merry Puckmas, babe," Puck said, jumping down from the table and kissing Kurt. "Hope you liked your gift."

"What happened to six geese-a-laying?" Kurt asked, getting to his feet to wrap his arms around his boyfriend, Puck's boner rubbing itself against Kurt's jeans.

"That sounded boring," Puck said, gripping Kurt by the ass. "Six peacocks-a-playing sounded so much better." He kissed Kurt on the nose as he tried sticking his hand down the back of Kurt's jeans.

"Noah," Kurt said, pulling his hand back. "I know you're nude and all, but we're still in public." He blushed as the girls eyed them from around the table, Santana's hand curiously missing from view. Kurt hoped it wasn't currently clenched between her thighs, and that she wasn't fingering herself in public…again.

"My bad, Princess," Puck said, stepping away. "I think we'd better go anyway." As if on cue Puck heard Coach Sylvester screaming through her bullhorn from the hall outside the cafeteria.

"Come on, man," Sam said, throwing Puck's clothes into his chest. "Let's jet." He winked at Mercedes and flexed his cock up and down one last time before running away. Mercedes laughed into her hands as she watched the dimpled ass of her boyfriend run out the door.

"Later babe," Puck said, kissing his boyfriend before running away as well. His peacock tail thumped his back uncomfortably as he turned around and saw Kurt admiring his muscled ass and sculpted thighs. He puckered his lips at Kurt, who simply rolled his eyes as he shooed him away.

"Where are they?" yelled Coach Sylvester through her bullhorn. "I saw them. Boys in here, waving around their degenerate, mushroom headed baby-makers!" Kurt and the girls stifled a laugh as they heard Sue describe their dicks thusly.

"They went that way, Coach!" Becky said, pointing out the door.

"Oh Becky," Sue said, cupping Becky's head comfortingly. "I'm so sorry you had to see that. And through those Coke-bottle lenses of yours, I can only imagine that their tiny, microscopic genitalia seemed appropriately life-sized, when in fact they looked as if they belonged on an anatomically correct doll that therapists use to treat victims of sexual abuse."

"Don't worry, Coach. I didn't see anything," Becky said. Sue hugged her tighter, but it was only evident to Kurt and the girls that Becky was crossing her fingers behind her back. They giggled conspiratorially as Sue and Becky left the cafeteria. Sue gone, the students in the lunchroom began talking animatedly about the strip show Puck and the boys had just put on for them.

"That was insane," Tina said, wiping the tears of laughter from her eyes.

"Who knew they boys could be so – ," Quinn began.

"Cocky?" Santana chimed in, making the table erupt into laughter.

"That was rather hilarious," Kurt said. He and Mercedes looked at one another and couldn't help but laugh as the images of their boyfriends in nothing but g-strings and giant peacock tails flooded their minds again.

"Well I hope you all enjoyed it," Rachel said, her arms crossed indignantly, "because it's the last time anyone besides myself will get to see Finn Hudson's…member."

"Don't worry," Santana said, withdrawing her phone from her bra. "I got it all on video." Pressing play she showed everyone a complete recap of the lunchroom events, from when the boys strode in to Puck's bubbly ass as he jogged out the door.

"Delete that right now!" Rachel demanded.

"No way, Gargamel," Santana said, diddling her fingers across her phone. "Besides, it's Kurt's gift for Puckmas, so he should decide if he wants me to keep it."

Rachel and Santana looked to Kurt, who bit his lip before saying, "You know, Noah and the boys did go through all that trouble for me, so I think we should keep it. And Santana, if you could send me a copy – purely for reminiscing during future holidays, of course – then it would be greatly appreciated." Santana smirked deviously as she sent a copy to everyone at the table, Rachel included.

"Oh my," Rachel said, withdrawing her phone and obviously enjoying seeing Finn dance around in the nude. "Merry Puckmas, indeed." With that she made sure to save the video before smiling innocently at Kurt and the girls.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading and reviewing!<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. Sorry.**

**A/N: HUGE History lesson at the end of the chapter on Hanukkah for those who don't know what it's about. And translations for the words in italics. Sorry, I'm a nerd.**

**Thank you for all the reviews and interest. I'm glad this is getting everyone in the holiday spirit!**

****Updated. Thanks to Nefrytkowa for pointing me to the correct Polish spelling of _pączki. _The changes have been made below.**  
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><p><strong>Chapter Seven, Part One<strong>

**Seven Swans-A-Swimming**

"Noah!" Hannah Puckerman whined in a sing-song voice. "I'm cold." She was shivering as she stood at the outdoor skating rink Puck had taken her, along with six of her friends, to. They were all dressed as swans, as they had been scheduled to do a scene from Swan Lake for their recital, when Puck had taken them for a "quick cup of hot chocolate". That was an hour and a half ago. Now they were all shivering in their thin tights and tutus as they waited for Kurt to arrive.

"Can we go back inside?" a tiny blonde girl asked, her teeth clacking together as she looked up at Puck.

"Yeah, I'm tired," another yawned, her arms wrapped around herself as she shivered.

"Aw, come on, dudettes! You guys promised you'd help me do this for my boyfriend," Puck said, trying to rouse their spirits. "Remember?"

"Noh," Hannah began, addressing him by his nickname, "we've been here for a while. Can we please go now?"

"Hans, I thought you liked Kurt," Puck said, kneeling down so he was eye-level with his little sister. "Don't you want to make him happy?"

She looked away guiltily as she said, "Yes." She sighed as she looked at her brother, smoothing down his mohawk with her mitten-covered hand. "Especially since I like him better than you."

"Hold up a minute," Puck said. "How can you like him better than me? I'm your big bro!"

"Well, he gives me stuff," Hannah said, "like scarves and shoes and necklaces. And he always likes to play house, and he lets me win at video games, and he taught me how to make matzo ball soup!"

Puck looked seriously at his sister. "Okay, first off I taught Princess how to make matzah ball soup after Nana taught me; second, he lets you win at video games because he sucks and couldn't win if he wanted to; and third, I get you stuff too!"

"But when he gets me stuff there's no security tag still attached to it," Hannah said, sniffling in the cold. "Plus, I don't like it when you hurt him."

"Whoa, snot nose," Puck said. He used his sleeve and wiped her nose as she smiled gratefully as well as embarrassingly, as all her friends had seen her brother basically pull a 'mom' move. "When have I ever hurt Kurt?"

"You know how you have secret sleepovers with him that Mom doesn't know about?" Hannah asked. Puck looked at the expressions of her friends who were listening in, hoping none of them knew what 'secret sleepovers' was code for.

"Yeah," Puck said, using his hands to warm up her arms. "What about them?"

"I don't like whatever you guys are doing in there," Hannah said seriously. "I can hear you through the walls, and the beds always shaking and he's moaning real loud; it sounds like you're killing him!"

"Shit," Puck swore under his breath. Seeing Hannah's questioning expression he smiled at her before saying, "Hans, I'm not hurting Kurt when he sleeps over. I'm just… I'm playing a very special game with him. A game only two boys can play with each other, okay?"

"Can I play?" Hannah asked excitedly.

"No way," Puck said sternly. "This game is only for…well, boys can play it when they're teenagers, like me and Kurt are. But little sisters aren't allowed to play until they're thir – no, fifty!" Puck said. "Okay?"

"Fine," Hannah said. She toyed with the crown on top of her head as she saw Kurt's black Navigator cut through the blinding white snow around them. "Kurt's here!" she said excitedly.

"Alright, rugrats," Puck said, shooing the shaking girls into place. "Get ready." The girls moved slowly, their limbs icy and their noses and lips frozen.

"Noah!" Kurt yelled, jumping from his Navigator and stalking up to the group. Quinn jumped out of the passenger side while Blaine exited from the back, following a very irate Kurt.

"Hey babe!" Puck said excitedly, throwing his hands up in surprise. "Glad you could make it for the seventh day of Puckmas!"

"Not now, Noah," Kurt said, rushing to the edge of the ice. "Girls, come on. I'm here to take you back to the dance studio." They looked unsurely from Puck to Kurt as he motioned for them to leave the ice.

"What's going on?" Puck asked. "Don't you want your seven swans-a-swimming?"

"Forget about your stupid gift, Puck," Quinn said, holding out some jackets for the girls. "You kidnapped these girls!"

"Whoa, no one kidnapped anyone!" Puck defended. "I was going to bring them back!"

"Noah, I am so – you know what, I can't even say anything right now," Kurt said angrily. "Come on, girls." The girls skated over slowly to Kurt as he and Blaine lifted them onto the solid ground. Blaine leaned down and took off their skates as Quinn wrapped them in jackets and blankets.

Hannah looked up unsurely to Puck. He lifted her up and skated over to Kurt, setting her down gently.

"Hey Hannie," Quinn said, wrapping her in a warm woolen blanket. "Bet you're freezing, huh?"

"Yeah," Hannah agreed. She smiled warmly down at Blaine as he took her skates off and replaced them with her shoes. "Hi, Blaine," she said blushingly.

"Heya, cutie," Blaine greeted. He knew Hannah had a crush on him and liked to play along, making the little girl blush as often as possible. And though she knew he had a boyfriend it didn't stop her from begging Kurt and Puck to bring the Warbler over as often as possible. "You are the prettiest swan ever, you know that?" She wrapped the blanket closer around her body as she squealed. Blaine lifted her up and she wrapped her arms around him lovingly, stealing a kiss from his cheek as he took her back to the Navigator, Quinn and the other girls following.

Now that they were alone Kurt turned furiously to Puck. "What were you thinking?" he cried, his cheeks blazing in his fury. "Taking seven girls from a recital to a freezing skating rink? They don't even have jackets or leggings on, Noah."

"We were waiting in the lobby most of the time," Puck said ashamedly. "I mean, we were only out on the ice for ten, fifteen minutes tops."

"Still, you took them to get hot chocolate _an hour and a half ago," _Kurt said. "Their parents are going out of their mind with worry!"

"I was gonna bring them back real quick," Puck said, sticking his hands in his pockets as Kurt berated him. "I just wanted to do something nice for you for Puc – whatever. Just forget it," he said, brushing by Kurt and going to his truck. Kurt sighed as he walked to his own car, setting off to return the girls before their parents called the police.

Puck scratched his mohawk irritably from his truck seat, watching as Kurt took the girls away. He leaned back and closed his eyes, wondering if he he'd fucked up royally once again. It seemed he couldn't do anything right; even when he tried to make up for his fuck ups, he fucked up again. He cleared his throat and sniffled a bit as he turned on the heater in his freezing truck and set off for home.

**Part Two**

**The First Night of Hanukkah**

The doorbell to the Puckerman household rang out through the chaos. Miriam Puckerman was busy arguing with her mother-in-law about the cooking so she couldn't answer it, while Hannah was running wildly through the hall, screaming at the top of her lungs while the TV blared in the background. Puck ran out from his upstairs bedroom to answer the door. Seeing it was Kurt he stood bashfully aside as he let him in.

"I didn't expect you to come," Puck said, shutting the door.

"Of course I came," Kurt said as Puck helped him out of his jacket and scarf. "It's the first night of Hanukkah." He stole a longing glance at Puck before he stepped out of his boots and set them off to the side of the door. "I'm sorry I'm late. Finn tried making a gingerbread house and that somehow segued into helping him get frosting off the ceiling." Puck took the presents Kurt had from his hand and deposited them onto the dining room table.

"We lit the menorah already," Puck said, awkwardly leading Kurt into the living room.

"Oh," Kurt said, slipping his gloves off and putting them on the back of the couch. "I'm sorry I missed that." He looked at Puck, ready to speak when Puck spoke up first.

"Look, Kurt, I didn't –," Puck began, but he was cut off as his arguing mother and nana entered the room.

"I don't care how they did things in Poland," Miriam cried out, "I was raised to fill my _sufganiyot_ after they were cooked."

"That's the problem with you young people today," Nana Puckerman cursed as she hobbled after Miriam, "you do away with tradition. Everyone knows us Poles started frying _pączki _first, and then it became popular in Israel. And my mother always, always, always put the jelly between the dough and then fried it!"

"That takes too much time!" Miriam cried. "It's faster to fill them when they're cooked!"

"Do you have an appointment somewhere?" Nana asked, throwing her hands up and looking around the living room. "Are you leaving us so soon after we just lit the menorah that you can't take the time to make your precious _sufganiyot_ the right way?" Miriam opened her mouth to retort when Puck cut in.

"Ma," he said, gesturing to Kurt. "Nana, Kurt's here."

"Hi, Kurt," Miriam said, rushing over to greet him. She kissed him on each cheek before smoothing his hair down. "Oh, you look so handsome tonight."

"Thank you, Mrs. Puckerman," Kurt blushed.

"Move out of the way, Miriam," Nana said, brushing her daughter-in-law aside with her cane. "My goodness," Nana said, pinching Kurt's cheeks. "You Germans all look alike. I swear you could be Rolph Schmidt standing right before me today. Have I ever told you about Rolph Schmidt?"

"Yes, Nana," Puck said, pulling her wrinkled hand from Kurt's face. "Every time you see him you tell us about Rolph Schmidt."

"I don't mind it," Kurt shrugged. Nana's eyes lit up as she took him by the hand and led him to the couch, clasping it excitedly as she spoke.

"See, he likes it," she bragged to Puck and Miriam. "I love my grandson, I really do, but sometimes I see too much of my son in him and that just makes me want to slap him," Nana whispered to a chuckling Kurt.

"Yes, like when he kidnaps his sister's ballet class to put on an elaborate show for his boyfriend," Miriam said, smacking Puck upside the head.

"Ow! Ma! I said I was sorry!" Puck said, rubbing the back of his head. "And don't you think having to be the practice partner for the entire elderly class is punishment enough?" he asked, shuddering as he remembered the tights he had to wear and the wandering hands of more than a few of the old women _and_ men in that class.

"Well, back to Rolph," Nana began. "He was the Nazi that saved my life during World War II. You know all about that, right?" Kurt nodded politely as she said, "Well, I lived in Poland back then, and I was the youngest so my family tried to smuggle me out when Hitler looked ready to invade. I had gotten safely to the Szczecin border with false identification papers when I was brought off a train by Nazis and interrogated. I was so afraid. I was only seventeen, traveling alone, and if the officers found out I was posing as a Gentile, they'd shoot me before I could even let a tear fall from my sorry face! I was shaking so badly my papers flew from my hands just as I was about to give them to the officer. As I bent down I could see his shadow, and he was raising the butt of his gun to hit me over the head when out of nowhere a young man who looked no older than myself stopped him. He helped me pick up my papers and surprised me by saying I was his sister, and that I had been at university in Krakow and now I was going back to Frankfurt. I was speechless. I didn't know why this Nazi had vouched for me. The officer eyed him warily, but he let him take me to a nearby hotel. He put me up for the night and told me not to worry; that I was safe. Still, I couldn't trust him. I was sure he wanted to kill me on his own, without his friends to watch the savage things he'd do to me. I was preparing to flee when he came in the middle of the night. I was ready to fight him, but he calmed me down. He gave me chocolate and coffee, things I hadn't had in months. Over the weeks we reluctantly became friends. And then, I grew to love him. We stayed together for a few months in Berlin before he got stationed into Czechoslovakia. He arranged safe passage for me into Copenhagen, and from there I was able to sneak into Oslo, and then I made my way to London before full war broke out. I never saw Rolph Schmidt again, but when I look at you, Kurt, I see him just as he looked as I boarded that train out of Berlin." She wiped her eyes and held Kurt's hand tightly.

"Nana, you gotta stop telling that story," Puck sighed. "It's such a downer."

"Oh," she said, turning to her grandson. "Better I tell of how at your _bris_ it took the _moyel_ forty-five minutes to do the procedure because your _petseleh_ was so small he had to use a tweezer to hold it?"

"Nana!" Puck said, burying his face in his hands.

"What's a petseleh?" Kurt asked, looking at Miriam and Nana Puckerman confusedly.

"It means Noah has a small dick," Hannah said as she skipped through the house.

"Hannah!" Miriam cried, chasing after her daughter to reprimand her.

"Don't worry, Kurt, I'm sure his _shvantz_ is nicely sized now," Nana said as she looked at her grandson. "In fact, if he's anything like his grandfather, he's got quite the big - ."

" - Okay!" Puck said, helping his grandmother to her feet. "Come on, Nana. Those _latkes_ aren't going to fry themselves."

"Oh yes, it's better I fry them now and add in the onions before your mother comes back," Nana said conspiratorially. "I don't know how they do things in Tel Aviv, but I always put onion in my _latkes_! That and I can't stand to look at that _farkakt_ menorah she bought online for another minute!" She slapped Puck's hand away as he tried to help her along to the kitchen when she stopped for a moment and turned back around to look fondly at Kurt. She shuffled bacj ti where he was sitting, leaned back down and peppered grandmotherly kisses all over his cheeks, pinching them and instructing him not to go anywhere.

"I won't, Nana," Kurt said smilingly. Puck rolled his eyes as he took a seat next to his boyfriend.

"You're such a suck-up," Puck said, scratching his mohawk irritably.

"I can't help it if your grandma likes me," Kurt smirked. The two sat in silence for a while, their bodies not even touching as Puck looked ashamedly to Kurt.

"Are you still mad at me, babe?" he asked. Kurt sighed before moving over and opening up Puck's legs so he could sit between them. He reclined into Puck's chest, taking Puck's hands and wrapping them around his waist.

"Noah," Kurt said, toying with Puck's calloused hands, "I was never _that_ mad at you."

"Really?" Puck asked, inhaling the sweet scent of Kurt's hair. "Because you seemed really pissed this afternoon."

"I was upset," Kurt said. "I just wish that you would think things through sometimes. I mean, I love how spontaneous and impulsive you are, and I've loved each and every gift you've given me these past few days of Puckmas." Here Puck smirked as Kurt complimented him on his presents. "I would just like it if from now on you thought things through, and don't just leap without looking."

"Sure thing, Princess," Puck cooed. He squeezed Kurt tightly, nuzzling the nape of his neck as his dick hardened in his pants. Kurt, who was sitting between his legs, felt his hardness and tried not to encourage it.

"So from now on, you don't have to kidnap children just to make me happy, understood?" Kurt asked as Puck nibbled at his earlobe.

"Completely," Puck said, happy that Kurt wasn't mad at him anymore.

"Look at my little _bubelehs_," Nana said as she re-entered the room with a plate full of latkes complete with apple sauce and sour cream. She gave a fork to Kurt and told him to eat as he was much too skinny. When Puck tried to take a bite she slapped his hand away reproachfully. "See, I told you he wouldn't be mad for long, Noah."

"Nana," Puck said, looking seriously at his grandmother.

"What?" Kurt asked as he politely swallowed his food. "Was he really upset, Nana?"

"Oh, he was crying his eyes out," Nana said as she relaxed into the recliner. "To be honest it was a little pathetic."

"Nana!" Puck exclaimed, burying his face in Kurt's back. "See, this is why I like going over to your place," Puck muttered to a chuckling Kurt.

"Well I've forgiven him now," Kurt said, twisting around to kiss Puck on the lips. Puck licked away a trace of applesauce that was on the corner of Kurt's mouth, making the countertenor blush as Nana Puckerman looked at them warmly.

"I'll go see what your mother wants done about those _sufganiyot_," Nana said getting to her feet. "You two just work on getting me a great-grandchild to spoil. He'll look just like me and Rolph, won't he?" she asked excitedly. She kissed Kurt lovingly on the forehead and smacked Puck lightly on the cheek before leaving to find Miriam.

"Does she really think I can get pregnant and give her a child that looks like both of us?" Kurt asked as Puck rubbed the spot where his grandmother smacked him.

"I don't know," Puck said. "Does that mean we should stop trying?" Kurt rolled his eyes and smiled as Puck tried to unbutton his jeans, but straightened up when they heard Nana Puckerman coming back down the hall. "Man, my nana is such a cock-block," Puck sighed as his grandmother took a seat next to them and began talking animatedly to Kurt about the old country.

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><p><strong>Hanukkah (aka the Festival of Lights) is the Jewish celebration that commemorates the victory of the Macabees in Jerusalem over their invaders and the rededication of the Holy Temple. After the battle was won Judah Macabee (literally 'hammer') sought to rededicate the temple which the invaders had used to enshrine their pagan idols. He lit the sacred flames of the Menorah, and though it was thought they only had enough oil for the flames for one night, the oil miraculously lasted eight, the same amount of time it took for new oil to be pressed and consecrated. Thus Hanukkah ('Dedication') celebrates this miracle by lighting one candle a night atop a household Menorah. There are eight candles to represent the eight nights, and one candle (<strong>_**shamash**_**) is placed in the center and is used to light the other candles, as it is forbidden to use one of the eight candles to light the others. Foods fried in oil are served during this time as well, to commemorate the holy oil that lasted eight days. **

**Translations:**_** sufganiyot**_** is basically a ball of fried dough filled with jam/jelly, like a donut. **_**Sofganiyot **_**is the Hebrew term for it, while the Polish call it _pączki_****.**

**The following words are Yiddish, which is a combination of German and Hebrew spoken by Ashkenazi (European) Jews, which I made Nana Puckerman (after all Puckerman sounds like a European name). And Miriam I portrayed as Mizrahi (a Middle-Eastern Jew) to better explain Puck's dark features and tan, which is ironic because in the Torah Miriam is Moses' sister and she gets punished by God for calling herself a prophet on par with her brother by being inflicted with a skin disease that turns her skin white. **

_**bubbeleh – **_**affectionate term for anyone of any age**

_**bris – **_**circumcision of Jewish newborn males on the eighth day of birth, performed by a special rabbi (**_**moyel**_**) **

_**shvantz – **_**Yiddish for penis**

** I made up the story of Nana Puckerman and Rolph Schmidt. I don't know why; I just wanted to have her have a reason for liking Kurt so much. And I'm not Jewish, so if I have anything wrong about Hanukkah or the Yiddish used in this chapter, please tell me and I'll do my best to correct it. Thanks, and Happy Hanukkah! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. **

**A/N: I guess I have bipolar writing disorder. I went semi-smutty with Monday's chap, then Tuesday was all serious and cute and coupley, and now it's full on SMUT. Yes, SMUT in all caps. Read on and…um…try not to jingle your bells too merrily! (*face palm at making stupid joke to try to cut through the tension of writing a sexy fic for Christmas*)**

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><p><strong>Chapter Eight<strong>

**Eight Maids-A-Milking**

"Ow!" Kurt said as his foot collided with a desk. He knew they were in a classroom, he just didn't know why. Puck had just cornered him in the hallway and blindfolded him, leading him away mid-conversation from the girls to present his gift for the day.

"My bad, babe," Puck said, leaning down to rub Kurt's knee. He kissed the bruise through Kurt's jeans and rubbed it again before leading him through a row of desks into a very soft loveseat. "Comfy?" he asked as he helped Kurt sit down.

"Yes," Kurt said, smiling as he heard Puck rush around. "Can I take my blindfold off, now?"

"Not yet, Princess," Puck said. He ran to the front of the room and pulled down the projection screen, and then Kurt could hear the clicking of the mouse as he did something on the computer. Kurt bit his lip nervously as Puck continued getting his gift ready.

"How in the world did you get a loveseat into a classroom?" Kurt asked as he felt the soft fabric of the chair beneath his hands.

"The guys helped," Puck said as he loaded a disc into the computer. Kurt shuffled his feet anxiously before Puck finally came back to the chair. Music started up, and Kurt held his breath as Puck sat beside him, putting his arm around his neck and kissing his ear. "Ready, babe?"

"Yes," Kurt said excitedly. Puck lifted the blindfold and Kurt stared on breathlessly as his eyes fell upon the movie playing across the large projection screen. "Oh. My. God."

On the screen was a compilation of scenes of Kurt and Puck engaged in various stages of sex. Kurt blushed like a beet when he saw his face splashed across the screen, along with various other bodily fluids. He gasped as he saw his legs splayed invitingly, and Puck's large dick took up the whole screen when Kurt's mouth suddenly swallowed it whole. The Puck on-screen whispered an, "Awesome," as the Puck sitting next to Kurt smirked happily.

"Merry Puckmas, babe," Puck said, nuzzling closer to Kurt. Kurt glared at him before smacking him upside the head.

"Seriously?" Kurt said, getting to his feet. "You've been video-taping us this whole time?"

"Not the _whole_ time," Puck said, rubbing the back of his head. "I mean, if I video-taped every time we fucked I'd have like 300 hours of video." He smirked again at Kurt, who promptly flicked his forehead.

"This is not a gift, Noah," Kurt said, running his hands through his hair agitatedly, "this is evidence in my defense when I go on trial for your murder!" He lunged for Puck and beat his chest with his fists. He didn't hit that hard, and it was relatively easy for Puck to pull him off and control him.

"Does this mean you don't like it?" Puck teased. Kurt tried to kick him but Puck dodged his foot. He gripped Kurt's wrists and held them behind his back, then turned him so he was sitting on his lap and watching the movie. "Come on, babe. Give it a chance."

Kurt watched more scenes of their lovemaking scroll across the screen. He rolled his eyes as Puck overused the 'star swipe' in order to show a new scene. He really regretted teaching him how to use iMovie. After a few more minutes of watching Kurt could feel Puck's excitement pressing against his ass, and though he was still trying to be mad he couldn't help but feel excited as well. Puck let loose his wrists and cupped Kurt's crotch as the title 'Babes-A-Milkin' splashed across the screen. Kurt rolled his eyes as he twisted his head to look at Puck.

"'Babes-A-Milkin'?" Kurt asked, his eyebrow quirked. "Is this supposed to be my eight maids-a-milking?"

"And where the fuck was I supposed to find eight dairy maids in the middle of winter in Ohio?" Puck asked as he rubbed his face into Kurt's back lovingly. "Besides, I can feel how much you love it."

"I don't _love_ it," Kurt defended, toying with Puck's fingers. "But I don't hate it either."

"Score one for Puckerone," Puck smirked. Kurt turned and bit his nose a little too hard at his arrogance.

"You know I planned on insisting this be your last Puckmas gift," Kurt said as Puck unbuttoned his jeans. "I forgave you a while ago for the anniversary thing, but now…"

"Yeah, yeah," Puck said. "I know you put up a front about not liking the gifts, but deep down you love the attention." He thrust his hand down the front of Kurt's jeans and massaged his engorged dick as he kissed him on the cheek. "It's okay, Princess. I still got four more days of love to shower on your sexy ass. Plus Hanukkah."

"Noah," Kurt whined, trying to pull Puck's hand up out of his pants by his large bicep. "Someone could walk in any minute."

"Nope," Puck said between nibbling on Kurt's earlobe. He jingled the keys to classroom in his hand as he continued nipping and sucking on any part of Kurt he could reach.

"How did you get that?" Kurt asked as he gave in and let Puck grope him.

"I was skipping fifth period a couple days ago when I caught Mr. Larson snorting Adderall in the teacher's bathroom," Puck said nonchalantly. "He let me borrow the keys to the classroom in exchange for keeping my mouth shut."

"Do you ever go to class?" Kurt teased.

"I'm in class now," Puck smiled, sticking his tongue out and licking up Kurt's cheek obnoxiously, leaving a trail of saliva up his boyfriend's face.

"Ugh! Gross! Noah!" Kurt cried as he wiped away the wet trail of spit Puck left. Kurt squealed as Puck tickled him around the stomach. Kurt giggled uncontrollably as Puck continued to tickle him, knowing all his weak spots.

"Okay, we gotta hurry up before the period's up," Puck said. He set Kurt off his lap and stood before his boyfriend. He stripped bare, his body illuminated by the projector as he stood right in front of it.

"Noah!" Kurt exclaimed laughingly. "Don't you ever keep your clothes on in?"

"Not when I got the sexiest boy sitting right in front of me, making my nuts want to jump out of my dick head," Puck said. He started ripping Kurt's clothes off as well, pulling his jeans off his legs and twisting his shirt off as Kurt kept sitting. "Look at that sexy dick," Puck said as he knelt down to toy with Kurt's cock. He jerked the thick, pale shaft, the blue veins visible beneath the ivory skin. He licked underneath the pink cockhead and chuckled as Kurt tensed up. When Kurt motioned for him to jump on the chair with him Puck shook his head. "This is just for you, Princess. Gotta milk my boy," he said as he stuck the head of Kurt's dick in his mouth and lapped at the pre-cum gushing from his slit.

"Oh, oh, unf," Kurt moaned as Puck continued administrating to his cock. He melted into the chair as Puck lifted his feet and set them atop his muscled shoulders so he could play with his smooth ball sac. Kurt stared ahead at the movie continuing to play on the screen as he tried to control his breathing. On screen Kurt had his legs spread, just as he had them now, and Puck was filming his asshole blinking before him seductively. He then positioned his cell phone to the side as he licked up Kurt's crack, filming his tongue as it poked at Kurt's hole. Kurt moaned as Puck continued to rim him. "Ugh, uh, uh!" Kurt moaned on screen. "Noah, put your goddamn phone down and fuck me! You can text Artie later." Puck chuckled as he got off the bed and set his phone on the dresser, making sure it still caught most of the action. Kurt's eyes glazed over as he watched himself get fucked on screen while in real life Puck was sucking on his dick, his tongue tracing every ridge and vein of steely shaft.

"I am going to kill you when this is over," Kurt sighed, feeling Puck's finger's trace the curve of his buttocks.

"If you're trying to kill me by making me choke on your cock then it's probably going to work," Puck said as he backed off teary-eyed from Kurt's dick. "Man, babe. This thing grew since we last played with it."

"Shut up," Kurt commanded, pointing his dick back into Puck's mouth and forcing it down his throat. Puck gulped in surprise as Kurt abused his mouth. Kurt grabbed Puck by the ears and started pistoning his dick in and out of his boyfriend's mouth, biting his bottom lip as his balls slapped Puck's chin. Puck tried to grip Kurt's thighs to get him to slow down but Kurt would have none of it. He couldn't count how many times Puck did this to him in the past, and now that Kurt was trying it out he realized why it was one of Puck's favorite moves.

"Ugh, oh fuck," Kurt moaned, his hands squeezing Puck's head as his hips forced his dick past Puck's tonsils. His toes curled and his ass clenched as he felt the familiar tingling starting in his balls. "Oh, Noah, I'm close, I'm close!" he warned. His dick became rock hard as his body stiffened. Puck pulled his ass cheeks apart and massaged his hole, triggering the first wave of cum to shoot out of Kurt's dick. He cried out in ecstasy as his orgasm arrived, his dick spewing loads of cum into Puck's willing mouth. Puck swallowed like a pro, coaxing the last dribbles out of Kurt's dick as the countertenor fell back into the chair, spent from his orgasm. Puck continued to suck on Kurt's softening dick, cleaning any traces of cum from the shaft. Finally he was just sucking on the still engorged cockhead, his head resting on Kurt's thigh as he stared lovingly up at his boyfriend with his mouth still half full of cock.

Kurt smiled stupidly as Puck let his dick fall from his mouth. He sat up next to Kurt and kissed him on the lips, Kurt able to taste the last vestiges of cum in the deep interiors of Puck's mouth.

"That was…oh Gaga, that was great," Kurt sighed, burying his face in Puck's shoulder, the musky smell of his armpit wafting up into his nostrils. "But what about you?" Kurt asked, looking guiltily up into Puck's eyes. He felt bad having had such an intense orgasm while Puck was probably still hard as a rock.

Puck raised his hand innocently. Kurt could see it was covered in his cum, traces and splashes of the sticky white substance coating his calloused fingers and rough palm. Puck shrugged as he examined his hand closely. "I came while you were mouth-fucking me," he smirked. "I barely touched my dick when it erupted. If I wasn't sure if I was gay before…" He quirked his eyebrow sexily at Kurt, who kissed him on the lips as he grabbed his hand.

"This is my milk for Puckmas, right?" Kurt asked, meeting Puck's eyes lustfully. Puck gulped as Kurt swallowed his index finger, licking away the rapidly cooling cum. He could feel his dick stir back to life as Kurt continued licking his hand, his wide tongue sucking up the cum in his palm and tracing around his nail beds, seeking out every drop. Finally one last puddle was left on the back of Puck's hand. Just as Kurt went to lick it up Puck beat him to it, his tongue swiping it away as Kurt looked on in mock-indignation. He slapped Puck on the bicep as Puck stuck his tongue out, the cum still perched on it. Kurt leaned forward and kissed Puck, their tongues battling over the last of his cum. Finally Puck let Kurt have it, and the smaller boy swallowed it gratefully.

"So you liked your gift, right?" Puck asked, pulling Kurt so he was straddling his lap, their chests pressed together and their eyes locked.

"I loved it," Kurt said, peppering Puck's face with kisses as their naked bodies continued to grind together. "But the next time you videotape us…" Puck prepared himself for a verbal tirade when Kurt said, "…just make sure you tell me so that way I can at least style my hair." Puck smiled as Kurt kissed him again. "And do not show anyone, _ever_," Kurt said seriously, twisting Puck's nipple ring. Puck nodded, rubbing his nipple when Kurt let go. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, tracing circles in his back as he let him grind into him. They continued making out as the sounds of their passionate lovemaking from on screen filled the room.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! I can't believe I wrote a smut fic on Christmas. If this is what I write on Jesus' birth, can you imagine what I'm going to write on Easter? Oh God, I'm going to Hell. Plus I'm Catholic, and Catholic Hell is so much worse than Protestant Hell. Okay, off to say a hundred rosaries right now. Bye. <strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.  
><strong>

**Thank you for all the reviews!**

**The lyrics as always are in _italics_. The songs are Lady Gaga's "Christmas Tree" and Beyonce's "Single Ladies".**

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><p><strong>Chapter Nine<strong>

**Nine Ladies Dancing**

"I don't understand why we're here," Kurt said as he took a seat between Mercedes and Rachel, and Tina. "I hate pep-rallies. Whenever I see the girls twirling about in their red and white uniforms I get flashbacks of when I was in Cheerios and Coach Sylvester would shoot rubber bullets at our feet because we didn't do our cartwheels fast enough."

"Remember when she made us run laps with dumbbells duct taped to our hands?" Mercedes asked as she took her seat. Kurt groaned in remembrance.

"Puck told us to be here," Tina said, pulling a sign off the back of Rachel's back that said 'Get a Nose Job!' and crumpling it before she could see. "Probably for your gift."

"What did he get you yesterday?" Rachel asked, smoothing her hair back as she felt Tina pluck something from her back.

"Nothing," Kurt said, blushing as he focused on the Cheerios gathering in the middle of the gym. He crossed his legs as the memories from yesterday rushed directly to his groin. "What do you think they're doing?" he asked, trying to change the subject.

The Cheerios were pushing a large Christmas tree into the center of the gymnasium floor. Other Cheerios were stacking presents around it, while Brittany, Quinn, and Santana were rolling one large, wrapped gift right next to it. They all stood in formation as Principal Figgins came to the front of the gym and began speaking monotonously into a microphone Becky had set up for him.

"Settle down, settle down please," he said, hushing the students in his draining voice. Taking some note cards from his jacket pocket he said, "For your holiday enjoyment, the Cheerios have put together a song from pop singer Lady Gag-uh." Kurt and the girls giggled to themselves at Principal Figgins' mispronounced her name. "Without further ado, the Cheerios." He stepped aside as Becky rushed to press play on the stereo to begin the performance.

_"Light me up, put me on top! That's fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la! Light me up, put me on top! That's fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!" _The Cheerios danced around as the song played, shaking their asses and their ponytails swaying in unison as they strutted along to the song. _"The only place you'll want to be is underneath my Christmas tree! The only place you'll want to be is underneath my Christmas tree!" _They twirled around the Christmas tree, standing off to the side as Brittany and Santana pulled the ribbon off the large wrapped present. They stood back in mock-shock as the sides of the box gave way and Puck strut out in a black leotard, his bare legs showing as the outfit had been cut right at his crotch. The audience laughed as Puck strode out of the box, his long, lithe legs gleaming under the spotlight glaring on him from the ceiling.

"MERRY PUCKMAS, BITCHES!" he said, throwing his arms up in the air to the applause of the crowd. Kurt buried his face in Mercedes' side as he and the girls laughed out loud at Puck's entrance, as well as his outfit. "This one goes out to my boy, Kurt. He did this dance a couple of years ago, and I never told him this but I stole the video from him and I use it as spanking material whenever I can't get a piece of him." His voice boomed in the gym, making Kurt blush even more as he revealed more of their private lives to their fellow students.

"Now he's talking about how he jerks off to completely un-erotic things I've done in the past?" Kurt asked aghast. "Is nothing sacred anymore?" he chuckled to the girls.

"Please don't let him strip again, please don't let him strip again, please don't let him strip again," Rachel pleaded, crossing her fingers and closing her eyes as she prayed for Puck to keep his clothes on.

"So now I'm going to do this dance for him, to show him that now that we're together he doesn't have to worry about being a 'Single Lady' anymore." Puck smirked as he raised his left hand where on his ring finger there was a large, obviously fake but shining diamond ring. He smirked as the music started and all but nine of the Cheerios, including Quinn, Santana, and Brittany, began dancing along with him.

_"All the single ladies," _Puck lip-synced, waving his fingers out before him as he slide his hips.

_"__**All the single ladies**__," _the Cheerios echoed, waving their fingers as well.

"_All the single ladies, __**(all the single ladies). **__All the single ladies, __**(all the single ladies). **__All the single ladies, now put your hands up!" _

_"Up in the club, just broke up, doing my own little thing," _Puck sang, sticking his foot out as the girls ran around him and the audience whooped and applauded. _"You decided to dip, and now you wanna trip cause another brotha noticed me."_

_ "I'm up on him, he up on me, don't pay him any attention. Cause I cried my tears, gave you three good years, you can't be mad at me."_ The audience laughed when Puck stuck his hip out and thumped it, his ass bouncing around as he did the dance.

"_Cos if you liked it than you shoulda put a ring on it," _he sang, pointing to his finger and bobbing his head, "_if you liked it than you shoulda put a ring on it, don't be mad once you see that he want it. If you liked it than you shoulda put a ring on it." _

_ "Whoa uh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh."_ Puck sank low to the ground, grinding his hips as he did so. He then shot back up and ground to the floor again, this time the Cheerios joining with him.

"Wow. Who knew Puck had such great hip action?" Tina asked, impressed with Puck's moves.

"I did," Kurt smirked, blushing as the girls slapped him playfully.

"_I got gloss on my lips, a man on my hips, hold me tighter in my Dereon jeans," _he sang as he kneeled on the floor, smiling up at Kurt. _"Actin' up, drink in my cup, I could care less what you think. I need no permission, did I mention? Don't pay him any attention. Cos you had your turn, and now you gonna learn what it really feels like to miss me."_

_ "If you liked it than you shoulda put a ring on it. If you liked it than you shoulda put a ring on it. Don't be mad once you see that he want it. Cos if you liked it than you shoulda put a ring on it."_ He was perfectly in sync with the complicated dance moves the Cheerios around him were doing as well.

"_Whoa uh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh," _he sang, holding his left hand up and turning it back and forth as he gazed wondrously at the ring on his finger. He licked it as he pointed lovingly up to Kurt, who couldn't help but laugh at his ridiculous boyfriend. The audience was going wild for Puck's performance, yelling out catcalls to Puck's muscled frame poured into a tight-fitting leotard.

"Hope you liked your nine dancing single ladies, babe," Puck said, puckering his lips to Kurt, who rolled his eyes. He and the girls were still cracking up as Sam and Finn came running into the gym.

"We gotta go, man!" Sam said, looking over his shoulder as he cried out in fear and ran out the exit doors.

"Ahhhh!" Finn screamed as he ran without stopping right behind Sam. Puck looked on in confusion before the entrance doors flew open and Coach Sylvester was standing there with her eyes burning furiously. Santana and Quinn rushed him out of the gym before returning to the middle of the floor, Brittany staring on innocently.

"What. Is. Going. On?" she screamed as she stalked into the gym. The audience hushed as she looked angrily upon the Christmas tree and presents in the center of the gym floor. "Who approved this?" she yelled. Kurt could see that she'd been tied down, as on her hands and feet were ripped pieces of duct tape, some of it still dragging along as it clung to the hem of her blue tracksuit.

"This is stupid…wasteful…garbage!" she yelled in the eerily silent gym. She began tearing apart the presents stacked around the tree, the paper ripping beneath her angry fingers. "Christmas tree? A CHRISTMAS TREE?" she cried. With superhuman strength she lifted the tree over her head, only for her strength to give out just as it was directly above her. The tree fell, squashing her under it's heavy weight.

"Holy shit," Santana gasped as she and the Cheerios rushed to her aide. They succeeded in rolling the tree over a little bit so only her feet were showing, but were unable to move it anymore.

"It looks like _The Wizard of Oz_ when Dorothy killed the Wicked Witch of the East," Brittany said, poking at her exposed feet. Sue groaned out, and it took Mr. Schue and more than a few hockey players to move the tree from her splayed body. She moaned out in pain, and as the ambulance arrived to take her away she was still shouting threats to the students. "I'm going to waterboard each and every one of you until I find out what the hell went on in that gym!" she said, pointing an accusatory finger at the Cheerios especially. "And you better watch your na-na's, Sandbags, cause your those floatation devices attached to your chests won't save you when I – ."

" – Shut up," Santana said, closing the ambulance door and signaling it was okay for them to drive off. The New Directioners stood gathered around the parking lot as the ambulance lights disappeared down the street.

"It's a Christmas miracle," Mercedes said as Sam hugged her from behind. "I thought that witch was indestructible."

"More like a _Puckmas_ miracle," Brittany said, nudging Kurt and Puck knowingly.

"Fuck yeah it is," Puck said, digging between his ass cheeks as his leotard rode up in the freezing cold. "Puckmas is bringing joy to people around the world," he said as he kissed Kurt on the side of the head.

"For God's sake, don't encourage him," Kurt sighed. He rolled his eyes as Puck ruffled his hair, but when Puck started humping his leg in his leotard Kurt pushed him into a snowbank, which led to a full out snowball fight between the Gleeks. They spent the rest of the afternoon dodging snowballs, hiding behind cars and running around wildly as they enjoyed the winter wonderland that their parking lot had become.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading!<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

**Warning: Another Christmas porno. I hope you're all happy. Jesus died so you could rub one out on his birthday. You're penises will be crying tears of shame and your va-jay-jay's will be gushing out tears of sorrow. Sounds perfect for the holiday season! Merry Puckmas!**

**Thanks for all the reviews!  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter Ten<strong>

**Ten Lords-A-Leaping**

Puck rang the doorbell to the Hummel-Hudson household, scratching at his mohawk nervously. He stomped his feet on the mat outside the door, forcing blood into his stiff legs. He let out a breath as he impatiently rang the doorbell again. Finn yanked the door open, letting out a sigh of relief as he saw it was Puck.

"What's up, dude?" Finn greeted, stepping aside to let Puck in from the cold.

"Hey man, is Kurt here?" Puck asked, brushing the snow off his jacket and slouching it off his shoulders. He used his teeth to pull his gloves from his hands as he kicked his boots off and set them to the side of the door. "I was supposed to meet him at the mall and give him his ten lords-a-leaping."

"Did you really get ten lords?" Finn asked excitedly. Puck brushed the snow from his mohawk as he looked at his friend.

"Seriously, bro? Did you think I'd be able to scrounge up ten dukes or whatever just like that?" Puck asked, quirking his eyebrow at his friend. Finn kicked at the floor as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "No, genius, I didn't get ten lords. I got ten frogs from the Bio lab and I was gonna have them jump out of the fountain at the mall and spell out Kurt's name but he never showed up."

"Oh, he's sick," Finn said, leading Puck up the stairs to Kurt's room. "I think he caught a cold after the snowball fight we had yesterday."

"Dude!" Puck said, grabbing Finn by the elbow. "Why didn't you, like, call me or something?"

"Didn't you see my Facebook status update? I told everyone he was sick," Finn said. Puck pulled out his phone and diddled around on the screen before looking up at Finn with a questioning expression.

"Why is your status update in German?" Puck asked, showing the taller boy his phone screen.

"Oh," Finn said, looking at it in wonder. "My phone settings are all messed up. It's been like that for a few weeks now."

"So you've just been texting people and writing shit on Facebook in German? Why don't you just ask someone to fix it for you?" Puck asked.

"I don't want people to think I'm incompetent," Finn said as he led him past his pig-sty of a room towards Kurt's. Puck rolled his eyes, a trait he'd apparently learned from spending so much time with Kurt, and followed Finn into Kurt's room.

"Hey, Kurt. You got a visitor," Finn said. Puck brushed past him and leaned by Kurt's bedside, brushing his bangs back and looking deeply into his eyes.

"Sorry I didn't get here sooner, babe," Puck apologized. He tucked the blankets around Kurt tighter as he tried to make him more comfortable.

"Oh for Gaga's sake," Kurt said, throwing his comforter back as Puck had made it constricting around his small frame. "I'm fine. I barely even have a fever."

"Then why the fuck are you in bed?" Puck asked. He felt Kurt's forehead, who promptly slapped it away.

"I had a high temperature, and somehow Finn thought that would be an adequate excuse for canceling his plans with Rachel at the last minute," Kurt said, glaring at his brother. "He then told my dad that I was sick and I've been confined to my bed until my temperature returns to normal."

"Hey, you're my little bro, and if you're sick I'm going to take care of you," Finn announced proudly. "Now, you okay? You want some soup or medicine or something?" he asked, trying to be helpful. Kurt threw a pillow at him, and Finn ducked just as it flew past his head. "Hey! I'm just trying to help you get better!"

"You ratted me out to my dad just so you could tell Rachel you had to stay home and couldn't go with her to watch _The Nutcracker_," Kurt said angrily. "I'm not even done with my Christmas shopping yet! Now I'm going to have to run around on Christmas Eve with the rest of the lunatics and probably get mauled to death fighting over the last stuffed animal. I'd get out and hit you myself if I wasn't half-asleep from the Robitussin you force-fed me." Kurt yawned and closed his eyes as a scowl crept upon his face.

"It was a freaking ballet, man," Finn explained to Puck. "Like, with dudes in tights and girls dressed in tutus. I almost fell asleep while Rachel was explaining it to me; no way was I gonna be able to stay awake during the actual show."

"Alright, dude," Puck said, leading Finn out of the door. "I got it from here. Why don't you go jerk off to some of that porn I got you last month?"

"Ew, dude. Not while people are home," he said blushing. "But if you need me, I'll be in my room. Just make sure you knock first. And if it sounds like I'm jumping on my bed…just, don't enter." He tried to adjust his crotch nonchalantly as Puck closed the door on his retreating figure.

Puck turned back to watch Kurt's chest lightly rising and falling in his slumber. He crept over and pulled the blanket higher over his boyfriend, pressing his lips to his forehead as he softly stroked his cheek. He loved looking at Kurt like this. He looked so innocent and peaceful and unconcerned with his appearance. His hair was a mess, his skin had no moisturizer or concealer on it, and his mouth was parted open and Puck could happily smell the sweet breath passing through his lips.

"I'm not asleep," Kurt groaned out. "And did you just grandma kiss me?" Kurt asked, rubbing his forehead.

"Way to break the moment, babe," Puck said. He smirked as he saw Kurt wipe away a trace of spit from the wet kiss he left on his forehead. He leaned down and peppered Kurt's face with kisses, annoying his boyfriend.

"Ugh! Noah," Kurt whined. He pushed him away, but pulled him back when Puck looked like he was going to get up and leave. "No! Noah, cuddle with me please," Kurt begged. Puck smirked as he pulled off his sweater and stepped out of his pants so he was just in a tank top and his beloved Darth Vader briefs.

"For the record, Princess, I wasn't leaving; I was just going to turn up the heat in here," Puck said. "But since you asked me to join you, I think we could create some pretty hot friction on our own." He threw himself atop Kurt's prone form, play humping him like a dog in heat. Kurt rolled him over and slapped him on the forehead. Puck laughed as he snuck under the covers and cuddled up closer to Kurt's body. He wrapped his strong arms around Kurt's chest, surprised to find he was wearing one of his old t-shirts and a pair of tight fitting briefs and nothing else.

"Is this my old workout shirt?" Puck asked as he felt the familiar fabric beneath his fingertips. He brushed his naked thigh against Kurt's own, the hair on their legs scratching each other lightly. His socked feet rubbed against Kurt's warm feet, and he kicked his socks off so their toes could touch and kiss each other's bare soles.

"Yes," Kurt said, melting into Puck's embrace. "I took it from you that time you used my very expensive shirt to wipe the cum from your face after you went down in me in the locker room."

"It's cool," Puck said, nuzzling up to Kurt's neck. "I steal your undies sometimes."

"What?" Kurt asked. "Like, my clean ones, right?"

"Why the fuck would I steal your clean underwear?" Puck asked, clenching Kurt tighter as a sudden chill passed through the room. "Those aren't any fun."

"Oh my God," Kurt groaned. "Please, keep this information to yourself."

"Dude, I love the way you smell," Puck bragged. "Right now you smell all sweet and clean, but then when things get all hot and heavy you start smelling salty and sweaty and fucking - ."

" – Oh, please, for the love of Armani, say no more. Otherwise I really will be sick," Kurt said, burying his face in the pillow. Puck took a deep whiff of Kurt's neck and chuckled as he shivered underneath the attention.

"Oh, you love it," Puck said, rolling Kurt over and pressing kisses down his chest. He nuzzled his pale chest, rubbing his nose like an Eskimo kiss onto the soft expanse of his stomach. He kissed his belly button before sticking his tongue in, tracing it with the point before simply rubbing his whole face against Kurt's warm body. "You missed your present for Puckmas by the way," he said, looking up into his eyes.

"And what did you have planned for today?" Kurt asked, stretching happily before he cradled Puck's head. Puck meanwhile had entrapped his nipple between his lips and suckled it like a newborn.

"Frogs were gonna spell out your name at the mall," Puck said, reluctantly letting Kurt's pink nipple slip from his mouth. He bit at the erect tip before Kurt's swatted him away. He kissed his way back up Kurt's chest and bit lightly at his chin before pressing kisses onto his mouth.

"Sorry I missed it," Kurt said, scratching at Puck's mohawk, the jock mewing underneath Kurt's fingers; Kurt knew having his mohawk scratched was one of his weaknesses.

"S'alright," Puck shrugged. He moved back behind Kurt and let his fingers dance into Kurt's underwear. "You know, instead of ten frogs, I have another gift for you."

"Oh yeah?" Kurt asked as Puck's familiar fingers rolled his balls around in his large hand. "What's that?"

"Well today's the tenth day," Puck said, continuing to grope Kurt underneath the covers. "And I have ten fingers, so…"

"Are you going to make them leap for me?" Kurt teased, twisting his head around to meet Puck's gaze.

"I can make them do anything you want, babe," Puck smirked. Kurt giggled as Puck pressed a kiss to his cheek. Then, using his other hand he reached into the back of Kurt's underwear and pried apart his cheeks. He slipped in a digit between the pale, round orbs, tracing against the smooth crack before lightly teasing at Kurt's entrance. Then, when Kurt least expected it he plunged his finger in, flexing it around in the warm confines of Kurt's ass.

"Oh fuck," Kurt cursed, biting the pillow as Puck finger-fucked him. With his other hand still in the front of Kurt's underwear Puck grasped his boyfriend's rock hard cock and began tugging it up and down as it was still trapped inside his briefs. Kurt tried to push them down so Puck could have more room to move but Puck used his elbows to stop him. Kurt cried out in ecstasy as Puck snuck another finger inside his ass. Puck ground against Kurt, their bodies rocking together as Puck continued stimulating Kurt from the front and back. He held his boy tightly as Kurt continued to moan, burying his face in the pillow so Finn couldn't hear.

Puck scissored his fingers inside Kurt's willing opening, reveling in the endless warmth that seemed to emit from the orifice. It took all his self-control to not pull his fingers out and just lean down and tongue fuck his baby's hole to death. Instead he bit lightly at Kurt's neck, remembering this was Kurt's gift and not his own. Their legs entwined as Puck's fingers slid seductively in and out of Kurt's ass, Puck grinding his own underwear clad erection into Kurt's back. He rubbed his face into the back of Kurt's neck, his breath warming the smooth column of pale skin. Soon Puck could feel Kurt's dick stiffen, and Kurt's breath became more ragged as he fought off his orgasm so it could build and become that much greater. Puck sawed his fingers out of Kurt, his thumb pulsing near the entrance as if it wanted to enter Kurt's ass as well. Puck's own breathing hitched as he used his other hand to trace the sticky head of Kurt's cock. Fuck, how he wanted to just wrap his lips around it and put his Princess out of his misery.

Kurt bit the pillow harshly, his hands gripping at the blankets as he lost control of his orgasm. "Oh Noah, don't stop," he whispered urgently. "I'm coming. Oh God. Oh God, I'm coming!" he hissed. His back arched as Puck shoved both fingers into his ass and twisted them around like a corkscrew. With his other hand he was furiously jacking Kurt off, and when he felt his hot cum dampen his underwear he smirked at getting his boyfriend off with only his hands. Kurt curled into himself, Puck withdrawing his hands from his underwear. He continued rubbing Kurt's ass, the countertenor glowing in his post-orgasmic haze. Puck chuckled at his expression; his mouth was open and his tongue was hanging out, and his hair was matted down in the back and clinging to the front of his forehead from sweat. He kissed him lightly before smacking him on the ass.

"Merry Puckmas, babe," Puck said, licking his fingers clean of Kurt's cum.

"Best. Present. Yet," Kurt said, kissing Puck with each word.

"Glad you liked it," Puck smirked. "I guess that was your 'ten-fingers-creeping'." Kurt giggled as Puck lay next to him, tracing his nipple with his tongue. "Oh yeah. You think I could have your underwear, you know, since it's ruined with all with your jizz?"

"What a wonderful, romantic ending to an otherwise beautiful act of love," Kurt sighed. He pulled his underwear with the wet, large, rapidly cooling cum stain on the front off his legs and handed them over to Puck. The mohawked jock grasped this new treasure, burying his face in it before sucking at the cum stain like a spoiled child.

"Oh God, what have I done in a previous life to deserve you?" Kurt asked rhetorically. He then laughed as Puck rolled on top of him and forced his dirty underwear into his face.

"You were probably a total saint in your past life to get a stud like me," Puck bragged. Kurt rolled his eyes as they began making out again, this time Kurt intent on helping Puck out with his raging boner; that is, until his bedroom door opened.

"Hey guys," Finn greeted, entering the room in a different pair of jeans than what he wore when he left. "What are you…why does it smell like bleach in here?" he asked, sniffing the air. Realization dawned on him as he saw Puck and Kurt tangled in the blankets, a pair of underwear sandwiched between their faces and Puck's clothes gathered at the foot of the bed. "Oh, gross! You guys were fucking while I was in the next room?"

"Calm down, Finnessa," Puck said. "We weren't fucking. I just gave my baby here a quick digit dance and reach-around."

"I'm going to go throw up now," Finn said as he tried to erase the images of his brother and best friend rolling around in bed. "If you need me I'll be at Rachel's. And open up a window or something, because dude, it smells like a jizz bomb went off in here." He rushed out of the room as he scrunched up his face in disgust.

"I don't know what he's talking about," Puck said, picking up Kurt's underwear and looking at it appreciatively. "I love the smell of your cum." With that he buried his face in his underwear again and quirked his eyebrow lustily at Kurt.

"Well at least now I know what to get you for the last night of Hanukkah," Kurt deadpanned. Puck then straddled his boyfriend's chest and began grinding his underwear-clad boner against Kurt's flaccid cock, trying to rub it back to life. When they heard the front door slam shut they knew Finn was gone and that now they could really get vocal.

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I hope you at least wipe your keyboard and mouse down with some sort of anti-bacterial wipes when you're down reading this lol. Merry Puckmas! **


	11. Chapter 11

**I don't own Glee. **

**No porn in this one. A bit angsty though, but you know it wouldn't be the holidays without a little bit of sour to go with the sweet. But don't let this chapter get you down; all ends well. Like the saying goes, the night is darkest before the dawn. **

**Thanks for reading and reviewing! Although I see more people find the earlier chapters more entertaining/hilarious. Don't worry, I do too. I've kind of 'phoned in' the last couple of chapters. Don't blame me; how the fuck was I supposed to find something funny enough to replace 'ten lords-a-leaping' or 'eight ladies dancing'? So, as in real life, I turned to porn or Beyoncé, and as always, they've saved the day. Hope this one sorta-kinda makes up for the crappy past chapters. Enjoy.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Eleven<strong>

**Eleven Pipers Piping**

Kurt had never had such a frantic Christmas Eve. Usually he did his shopping much earlier, but the recent distractions of Puckmas along with an unusually demanding senior year left him one amongst the many of people who left their Christmas shopping until the day before. He ran around the mall, stopping at nearly every store to get something for his friends and family. He started off the day with Finn as his helper, but when the taller boy toppled into a 'Toys for Tots' charity bin after trying to retrieve the pretzel that he dropped, Kurt decided he was better off shopping alone. He let Finn go off by himself, instructing him not to talk to strangers and to call him every thirty minutes to make sure he was alright as he tied a bracelet with their address and phone number on it around his wrist just in case.

He raced from store to store, brushing by obnoxious mothers and their loud, screaming children, pushing past large, beefy ogres who took up the entire aisle while checking the price on a clearly marked item, and shoving random people out of the way as he rushed to get the last pair of anything on sale. Hours later his arms were weighed down with bags of merchandise, and his father's credit card was nearly burning a hole in his pocket as it had been swiped so much. Kurt let out a sigh of relief as he boarded the escalator and mentally went over the gifts he got for everyone.

He'd gotten a sweater vest for Artie from the Gap; a new pair of skinny jeans for Mike from Forever 21; a Clinique make-up set for Quinn; a stuffed unicorn for Brittany from Build-A-Bear; a new pair of Adidas for Mercedes; a vintage brooch and some MAC cosmetics for Tina; a Barbara Streisand greatest hits CD and some Chanel No. 5 for Rachel; a couple bowties and a gift set of Tom Ford hair styling products for Blaine; a pair of pink handcuffs and lacy underwear from Frederick's of Hollywood for Santana; some superhero t-shirts and action figures from Comics 'N Stuff for Sam; and a pound of candy, a couple video games, and some new hoodies for Finn. He got his dad some fishing lures and a new tackle box and for Carole he got a completely new outfit from Macy's along with a coupon for a day of pampering at the spa.

The hardest person to shop for was Puck. He wanted to get something appropriately fabulous for his beloved boyfriend; this was their first Christmas together, after all, and he wanted to make sure he presented him with something that was absolutely breathtaking. He racked his brain thinking of something to get him. He would look absolutely delicious in a leather jacket, Kurt thought, but he couldn't be completely sure Puck wouldn't look like an extra from _Grease_ with a leather jacket and that mohawk of his. He thought about boots, but Puck really didn't care about footwear. Underwear…no, Puck more often than not went commando, and when he did wear them it was usually his beloved Darth Vader briefs that he wore for days without washing. Kurt thought of jewelry, but then decided against it as Puck wasn't really one to flash that around, preferring to appear more rugged than blinged out. Kurt sighed as he continued to lug around his heavy load; Puck was more difficult to buy a gift for than he thought. Usually Puck stole whatever he wanted, and if he couldn't steal it he didn't care for it. Besides, he wasn't a particularly materialistic person. He always said all he needed was Kurt and his guitar and he'd be set for life. Then it struck him. 'Of course!' Kurt thought, 'I could get him a new guitar case. But not some generic black case with coarse material, no, I could get him something better. Something much more personal.' Kurt smiled to himself as he let the images of Puck's gift fill his mind, tweaking it here and there to give it a special 'Kurt' touch.

He set his heavy bags down by the fountain as he took a seat by the edge and sipped some lemonade he'd gotten at a nearby kiosk. He flexed his fingers, the handles of the bags cutting into them as he'd held their heavy load for so long. He crossed his legs and flicked his bangs back proudly as he basked in the glory of completing all his Christmas shopping in just under four hours. He smirked, knowing a lesser person would have crumpled under the pressure, but not him; he completed the marathon, surviving suffocating conditions in more than a few stores, including nearly getting trampled on in Lady's Foot Locker and having to pull a woman's weave off in Nordstrom's. He wasn't proud of his behavior, but looking at all the bags before him and thinking of the happy reactions he'd get from all his friends when they got their gifts, he knew it had all been worth it.

He pulled out his cell phone and called Finn to tell him to meet up at the fountain as he was ready to go home.

"Finn, are you done with your shopping?" Kurt asked, taking another sip of lemonade.

"What? Hello? Kurt?" Finn yelled. By the background noise he was obviously still in a store, and a very crowded one judging by the sound. Kurt heard hangers falling to the floor and more than one high-pitched scream as he tried to get a hold of Finn.

"Finn? Can you hear me?" Kurt said into his phone. "I'm over by the fountain on the ground floor if you're ready."

"Kurt? What did you say? What about the fountain?" Finn cried. "Hey! That's mine!" He yelled, startling Kurt who was pressing his ear to the phone.

"You snooze you lose, buddy," Kurt heard an obnoxious fellow shopper cry over the phone.

"Give it back!" Finn cried, his phone clanging hard against something. Kurt rubbed his ear from all the yelling and pounding from Finn's end, and then the connection was lost as Finn's phone died. Kurt rolled his eyes, wondering why every trip to the mall with Finn somehow ended with the boy getting into an argument. Last time Finn got into a fight with a ten year old over the last chocolate-coconut cookie at Mrs. Fields.

Kurt stowed his phone away and finished his lemonade. He got up to throw it away when his eyes caught sight of his boyfriend not far down from where he was at. He excitedly ran back to gather his bags, eager to show Puck the fruits of his many hours of shopping. He trotted back to where he last spotted Puck when his heart seemed to drop out from his stomach. Puck was there, but he was talking to a random girl. Well, actually they were doing more than talking. Puck had his arm around her shoulder, and she gripped it tightly as she laughed at a joke he told that she apparently found hilarious. He pulled her tighter to his side, whispering something in her ear that made her smile widely. She nodded her stupid head, her stupid perfectly blonde hair flowing flawlessly down her back as her stupid blue eyes sparkled inside her stupid perfectly sculpted face. Then she leaned over and kissed Puck before she ruffled his mohawk and took his hand back in hers. Tears welled in Kurt's eyes as he saw Puck so at ease with another person, the strong muscled arm that used to hold him so tightly now curled around someone else, his smile now shining for her, his hands tickling her sides, and his breath hitting her ear so intimately. Time seemed to stop as Kurt took in the sight before him. He suddenly found it hard to breathe, and he was sure his mouth was gaping open like a fish as he stared at the two of them walking towards him. The bags nearly fell from his limp grasp before he steeled himself and willed his tears back. He readied himself and stalked right up to Puck, grim determination on his face and his eyes blazing. Puck turned from where he was joking with the girl when he looked up to see Kurt staring at him murderously.

"Oh, hey Princess," Puck said, still trying to catch his breath from laughing. "I thought I saw your car outside. Carole did say you got over your cold."

"Like I said yesterday, I wasn't really sick," Kurt said, his arms crossed despite the heavy bags pulling them down. "But you seem fine. Although you do seem to have some strange growth under your arm."

"What?" Puck asked, lifting his arm from around the girl's shoulder. He felt inside his shirt and up his bicep as his eyes fell onto his female friend. "Oh, you mean – ."

" - Yes," Kurt agreed, gesturing to the girl, "_that._"

"Babe, she's just a friend," Puck defended, smiling in order to keep the mood light despite feeling Kurt's anger reaching its boiling point. "I mean, Ruthie here – ."

" – Oh, Ruthie? So it has a name," Kurt said, eyeing the girl distastefully. "Well, whatever it's called you should really get it checked out before you put your hands on it again. You never know what sort of diseases trash could bring in from off the streets." Kurt pursed his lips and quirked his eyebrow at Ruthie, looking her up and down nastily.

"Excuse me?" Ruthie asked, taken aback. "Puck, who is this?"

"This is my boyfriend," Puck explained, running his hand through his mohawk nervously. "And right now he's royally pissed off."

"Of course I'm pissed!" Kurt exclaimed. "I just caught my boyfriend cheating on me! In public, no less!"

"What?" Ruthie and Puck said in unison. They looked at each other before smiling. "Kurt, babe, it's not what you - ."

" – You know, Noah, I never thought you'd be the cheating type, but I guess judging by your past indiscretions it was bound to happen," Kurt said icily. Puck was silent for a second before responding.

"What are you talking about?" he asked lowly.

"You cheat. It's what you do," Kurt said, his face set and his teeth gritting. "You cheated on Quinn with Santana, you got Rachel to cheat on Finn, and of course let's not forget how you got Quinn pregnant after you got her to cheat on Finn again! And who can count how many wives you've slept with over the years, making them break their marriage vows for a quick hour in bed with you! You cheat. You cheated on your girlfriends, you got others to cheat, and now you're cheating on me. I should have seen it coming a mile away," he scoffed, brushing the tears back quickly before anyone could see them. "It was just a matter of time before you found someone new to break in because you're a selfish, heartless, conceited little boy who only cares about finding a warm place to rest his dick." A crowd had started forming around the three, the onlookers engaged in the fight as if they had a personal stake in it.

"Look, Kurt is it?" Ruthie began, coming between the two. "It's not what it looks like. Puck and I were just talking," she explained.

"No, no let him think what he wants," Puck said, his jaw clenched as he looked at Kurt as if it were the first time he'd really seen him. "So, I'm a cheater, am I?" he asked. Kurt didn't have to nod for Puck to know what his response would be. "I'm just some slutty man-whore who doesn't give two fucks about anyone else, right?" Kurt continued to stare him down, refusing to answer him."You know what, Kurt? You're so full of shit," Puck growled, turning to leave.

"Puck! Wait!" Ruthie called out, her hair flipping about as she tried to bring him back to Kurt.

"I'm full of shit?" Kurt called back, throwing his bags to the floor. "You're the lying son of a bitch who didn't have the balls to tell me you were through with me to my face!" he screamed, his voice hoarse and threatening to crack. Puck turned back to look at him when Finn cut through the crowd and walked up to Kurt.

"Hey," he said, grabbing Kurt by the arm. "What's going on?"

"Stay out of this, Finn," Kurt advised, but Finn could see the hurt shining in his eyes.

"What the fuck did you do to him?" Finn yelled at Puck.

"Apparently I was caught cheating," Puck said, barely able to look at Kurt. "Am I right? Is that what you say happened here?"

"What?" Finn said, looking to Kurt for confirmation.

"Leave it alone, Finn," Kurt commanded. "I can take care of it myself."

"You cheated on him?" Finn asked, walking closer to Puck, his chest puffed and his eyes staring daggers at Puck's form. Puck looked to Kurt, waiting for him to confirm it.

"Well, Kurt," Puck said from around Finn's looming figure. "Your big bro's waiting. Did I cheat on you?" Kurt met Puck's gaze for a second before looking away, unable to stomach looking at him for much longer. This was all the approval Finn needed.

Without so much as a warning Finn pulled his arm back and slung it forward, punching an unaware Puck, splitting his lip. Puck stumbled back before getting his bearings. Wiping the blood from his mouth he growled as he lunged at Finn, the boys grappling and falling to the floor. The crowd became agitated, moving around restlessly to get a better view of the fighting boys. Kurt tried to break them apart, but they were fighting so ferociously that he was afraid of getting hurt himself. Instead he yelled at them, telling them to break it up and for Finn to leave Puck alone. They didn't listen. They continued to fight, Puck getting a few good swings at Finn before security arrived. They broke the boys up, though both were struggling against their captors as they pulled them apart.

"I told you never to hurt Kurt, you asshole!" Finn cried, his eye swelling and blood dripping from a cut on his cheek as he fought against the large security guard holding him back.

"I didn't do shit to him!" Puck yelled, his lip cut up even worse and his nose crooked as he struggled against the security guard's arms wrapped around his body.

"What are you talking about?" Finn cried. "You said – ."

"I'M GAY!" Ruthie screamed, tears forming in her eyes. The eyes of the crowd fell on her as she announced this to the world. She looked at Kurt and explained, "I'm gay and my parents found out from one of my ex-girlfriends. Puck was just helping me through it. We go to the same temple, and he heard what happened and invited me out today to show off the gift he got you for this thing…Puckmas, right?"

"I – but, I saw you," Kurt said, at a loss for words. "You were together."

"He was just trying to get me to laugh," Ruthie shrugged, biting her lip sorrowfully at the misunderstanding. "My parents haven't been taking it so well. They're conservative, old school Jews, so it's been rough for me at home. Puck was just trying to cheer me up."

"Oh," Kurt said, his eyes wide in realization. "Oh no. Noah." At the mention of his name Puck looked away from Kurt, making sure the smaller boy couldn't even catch his attention. "Noah, I'm so sorry. I thought you and her…Noah, please. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean any of the things I said."

"Yeah you did," Puck said listlessly, his nostrils flaring and still refusing to look at Kurt. "Otherwise you wouldn't have said them."

"Noah," Kurt said softly, tears clouding his vision as he walked to his boyfriend. "I was just angry. Please…"

"Fuck it," Puck said, throwing the arms of the security guard off him. "You're right. I'm a selfish slutty prick. I'm incapable of love, so how could I expect someone like you to love me?" He scratched at his mohawk in a confusing mixture of sorrow and anger, blinking back tears as he stalked away without even looking at Kurt.

Kurt jogged after him, tears streaming down his face as he tried to navigate through the crowds of people walking towards him, separating him from Puck. Just as he looked ready to catch him a troupe of flutists emerged from the elevator and began circling Kurt, blocking his view of Puck's quickly retreating figure while they serenaded him with the theme song from _Titanic._ He tried pushing them away but apparently they knew who he was and wouldn't leave him alone, and Kurt groaned out in misery as he lost sight of Puck. The eleven pipers continued to dance merrily around him as he let the tears fall freely from his eyes, Finn finally catching up with him and holding him tight while an apologetic Ruthie followed, Kurt's shopping bags clutched tightly in her quivering hands.

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><p><strong>And now Kurt is the one that has to find a way to make it up to Puck. And he messed up a hell of a lot more than just forgetting their anniversary, no? <strong>

**Well, Merry Puckmas Eve. Thanks for reading and reviewing!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

**A/N: First off, if we're going to be friends, (we're friends, right? Of course we are. Best friends. And as best friends, I'm telling you to change out of that blouse right now. You look like an extra from **_**Desperate Housewives**_**.) you should know one major thing about me: I suck at finishing things. Seriously, I have a major procrastination problem, as well as what could be called a fear of 'The End'. No lie. Look at my nightstand. It's filled with half-finished chapsticks, uneaten packs of gum, tins of two or three mints, pens that have a smidgeon of ink left in them (if you shake them really hard), and a Tarot card deck with some cards missing. And on top of the nightstand is a rotating cycle of three books, which I always start off with gusto and then silently stack on top of one another as a new book takes my fancy, so that the one on the bottom gets replaced, just as I'm less than fifty pages from the ending (I like to read a biography, a non-fiction, and a fiction book to keep my reading options open, and right now on my nightstand is the new biography of Catherine the Great, the Penguin edition of **_**Jane Eyre**_**, and Patti Smith's memoir **_**Just Kids,**_** which I literally just finished before writing this and L.O.V.E.). So I am dreadfully sorry that this story (and my others) take so long to update or finish. But I do get an odd sense of relief with every finished story, and as this is this last chapter, I can at least rest easier knowing at least one more of my stories is completed. **

** Okay, enough rambling excuses. On to the end.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Twelve<strong>

**Twelve Drummers Drumming**

Christmas Day held no joy for Kurt. He went to sleep Christmas Eve, tears still perched on his eyelashes as he remembered the awful things he'd said to Puck. He didn't even know where those words came from, but by the look on Puck's face you'd think he always thought them, and was just waiting for an excuse to unload them on him. But there was no excuse; he'd said some really terrible, unforgiveable things to Puck. He should have never talked about his past, no matter how angry he was. Kurt shuddered; if the words hurt him this much, he couldn't even begin to fathom how much they'd hurt his boyfriend.

"I hope he's still my boyfriend," Kurt sighed as he shut his eyes and forced himself to go to sleep.

He awoke Christmas morning to Finn, his black eye and cut cheek, jumping on his bed excitedly. Kurt groaned as he shut himself in his bathroom for thirty minutes to get ready to simply open his presents. As he sat at his vanity he texted Puck five times, wishing him a Merry Puckmas and begging his forgiveness. Puck never responded. With a heavy heart he walked downstairs, his phone clutched eagerly in his hand as he hoped for it to vibrate with a text from Puck.

They unwrapped their gifts, Finn grinning broadly as he got the games he asked for, including a Playstation Move for his PS3, as well as a new pair of shoes and some vests. He happily munched on the candy Kurt got him as he watched his mom unwrap her new outfit and perfume they'd gotten her. Burt grinned as he showed off his fishing equipment and the tools Finn had got him, as well as the new pen that Carole had engraved with 'Congressman Burt Hummel'. Kurt feigned excitement as he tore open his presents, discovering a new cable-knit scarf, some cashmere gloves, Heartbeats by Lady Gaga earphones as well as her new single collection on vinyl, and the complete Rodgers and Hammerstein musical collection on DVD. He forced a smile as he collected the loot, though thoughts of Puck and what he'd said to him never left his mind.

They cleaned up as Carole and Kurt began preparing Christmas dinner. Luckily the cooking occupied his mind, making him forget about Puck for most of the day. But when they ate dinner in the late afternoon there was nothing left to preoccupy him. Finn was playing his new games, Burt was polishing his new fishing gear, and Carole was tidying up as Kurt trudged up to his room and fell on to his bed. He tried on his new earphones and let the music flood his ears as he called Puck for the twelfth time that day without an answer.

He was brought out from his music-filled reverie when his dad tapped him on the leg. Kurt sat up as Burt sat on his bed, his weight sinking into the mattress as he looked at his son.

"What's up, kiddo? You like all your gifts?" Burt asked.

"Yes, Dad," Kurt said with a forced smile. "I love them."

"You know you're a terrible liar," Burt said, tousling Kurt's hair. "What's up?"

"It's just," Kurt said, the smile dropping from his face, "I haven't heard from Noah all day. It's strange, not talking to him for so long." He sighed as he toyed with his earphones, setting them to the side as he leaned on his father.

Burt lovingly scratched at his son's head, smoothing down his hair before saying, "Just give him time. It'll work out. I'm sure that punk will be back here soon, and I'll have to pretend I don't know he sneaks up through your window every night and leaves before I wake up in the morning."

Kurt winced as he said, "So you know about that, then?" Burt chuckled.

"I'm a lot smarter than I pretend to be," Burt said. "But aside from all that, I don't know if I want to see Puckerman again so soon. He did a pretty good number on your brother there."

"Finn threw the first punch," Kurt said. "And he wasn't the only one injured; he split Noah's lip, and it looked like he broke his nose, too."

"Yeah, that gentle giant's got quite the left hook," Burt said, beaming at how Finn defended his son's honor. Seeing Kurt's less than proud expression he said, "You just had an argument, buddy. It wasn't your first, and it won't be your last. Besides, that punk loves you, so I doubt he'll be able to stay away much longer."

"You weren't there, Dad," Kurt said, curling up into the safe embrace of his father. "I said the most awful things to him. I wouldn't be surprised if he never talked to me again. If he'd said those things to me, I certainly wouldn't."

"Maybe you have to show him how sorry you are," Burt suggested.

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked.

"Well, you're always going on about how you and him are both guys in an equal relationship and no one comes first, but I got to tell you, kiddo, that punk has bent over backwards for you countless times. He treats you like a real princess." Kurt bit his lip sorrowfully as he heard Puck's affectionate nickname for him the first time that day, only not from his mouth. "Maybe you should do something nice for him now. Go the extra mile. Do the grand gesture thing he's been doing for you these past weeks for…what is this insane thing he's calling it?" Burt asked.

"Puckmas," Kurt grinned.

"Yeah, that," Burt said as he rolled his eyes. "Now it's your turn. Show him how much he means to you."

"That's a great idea, Dad," Kurt said, sitting up straight as he let his father's words sink in. "I should show him how sorry I am, and how much he means to me." He racked his brain as he thought of what exactly he should do. After minutes of silence Burt left, patting his son on the back encouragingly. Kurt got ready for bed, brushing his teeth and moisturizing as he thought of how he could make it up to Puck. That night as he lay underneath his covers he let thoughts of twelve drummers drumming fill his head as he fell asleep.

**Part Two**

**The Eighth Night of Hanukkah **

_"Ma'oz Tzur Yeshu'ati, lekha na'eh leshabe'ah. Tikon beit tefilati, vesham toda nezabe'ah. Le'et takhin matbe'ah mitzar hamnabe'ah. Az egmor beshir mizmor hanukat hamizbe'ah," _Puck sang, closing the book from where he was reading the lyrics.

"That was beautiful, Noah," Miriam said, wiping a tear from her eye.

"Yes," Nana said, rising to her feet to pinch her grandson's cheeks. "You did very well for once." She then kissed his cheek before slapping him on the forehead like she promised would until he shaved his mohawk.

"Thanks, Ma," he said, rubbing his forehead. "Thanks, Nana."

"Come on, Noah. Let's play _dreidel_," Hannah said, retrieving the wooden top from the coffee table. "We can play with the dollar coins Nana got from the bank instead of the chocolate ones."

"Not now, squirt," Puck said lamely. "I think I'm just gonna head off to bed."

"Are you still fighting with Kurt?" Miriam asked.

"Technically we fought at the mall. Right now we're just not speaking to each other," Puck replied.

"But he's called a million times!" Hannah cried. "Can't you just call him back and forgive him? And ask him to bring Blaine along, too…" she whispered.

"Yes, Noah, I don't like you fighting with my little _bubbeleh,_" Nana said as she hobbled over to the kitchen to begin frying up some latkes.

"Maybe you should just forgive him," Miriam agreed. "You know you're going to eventually."

"I want to, Ma, but I can't," Puck said. "It seems like I'm always giving in to him. Whenever I mess up, I have to jump through a million hoops just so he'll look at me again, but when he messes up I have to forgive him before the argument's even over. I'm tired of being the bigger person."

"So you're just going to hold this grudge even though you've already forgiven him?" Miriam asked.

"I don't know if I've even forgiven him yet," Puck said as he sunk back into his chair. "I don't know if I can. He said some really awful things to me, Ma. It was like he was holding back all these resentments, and was just waiting for an excuse to unload them."

"I know he hurt you, baby," Miriam said, getting to her feet and sitting next to him, scratching his head like she used to when he was a child, "but you're just drawing out the pain by not talking to him. The best thing you can do is talk to him, so that way you can at least get your feelings out and let him know how you feel."

"I can't talk to him," Puck said, relaxing into his mother's embrace. "Not yet."

"My poor Noah," Miriam cooed, cradling his head and kissing his bruised face worriedly. "You know you were never this upset about any of your past girlfriends not talking to you. Don't you think that says something about how much you care about Kurt?"

"Yeah, but I don't want to think about it right now," Puck said lamely. He curled up into his mother's arms, relishing the maternal pampering he was receiving.

"Gross!" Hannah yelled as she looked back to her mother and brother from where she was playing. "Noah, you are such a mama's boy!"

"So what?" Puck asked, sticking his tongue out at a jealous Hannah. Miriam chuckled as she got to her feet and went to the kitchen, but not before leaning down and peppering Hannah's face with kisses as well.

"Mama likes me best," Hannah bragged as she wiped off her mother's lipstick.

"Oh yeah?" Puck growled. He rolled off the couch and lunged for Hannah, wrestling her to the ground. Hannah howled with laughter as she play fought with Puck, the two of them rolling around the carpeted floor, bumping into the furniture recklessly as Puck tickled his little sister and she tried her best to tickle him back. "Alright, alright! You win!" Puck laughed as he let Hannah sit atop his chest in victory.

"Yes!" Hannah cried, throwing her arms up in triumph. "I am the Queen of the Jew-niverse!" Just then the doorbell rang, and Hannah stepped on Puck's stomach as she got up to answer it.

"Hi, Santana!" Hannah said, hugging the Latina. "Happy Hanukkah!"

"And a _Feliz Navidad_ to you, too, _mija_," Santana said, kissing Hannah on the cheek. "Say, can I borrow your idiot brother for a minute?" Hannah nodded, motioning to the floor in front of the couch where Puck was still laying. She then raced off to her mother's room to try and figure out where the presents they were supposed to open that night were hidden. "Condom head!" Santana yelled out. "Come out here, now!"

"Hello, Santana," Miriam called out from the kitchen. She knew it was her based on her greeting to Puck.

"Oh shit," Santana laughed quietly, not realizing Puck's mother could hear her. "Hi, Mrs. Puckerman."

"Who's that?" Santana heard Nana ask Miriam. "Is that the slut, or the cheerleader he knocked up?"

"I'm the slut, Nana Puckerman," Santana called back proudly, "but only my pimp calls me that. Everyone else calls me Santana."

"Stop talking like that," Puck said, as he got to his feet. "And 'Condom Head'?"

"Yeah, your haircut is like a Trojan helmet," Santana shrugged. "And Trojans are also…condoms." She waited for him to laugh at what she thought was a hilarious nickname, but he simply stared at her stone-faced.

"You're hilarious. But you can forget it. I know why you're here, and I'm not going to Kurt's with you."

"Yeah, well, I wasn't going to take you," Santana said.

"Really?" Puck asked unsurely.

"Really," Santana confirmed. "Normally I would be forcing you two to kiss and make-up, but he told me what he said to you at the mall."

"And?" Puck asked anxiously.

"And I basically said if I were there I would have slapped him myself," she said, smiling.

"You know, even though he said some bad shit about me, he's still my Princess, and I wouldn't have let you hurt him," Puck said.

"I knew it," Santana said.

"You knew what?" Puck asked.

"I knew you were over it," Santana smirked. "You're over here, pouting, pretending like he hurt you, when really you'd probably forgiven him before you even left the parking lot. You just wanted to let him sweat it out and make him feel guilty."

"What?" Puck said. "That's not it at all. What kind of sick manipulator do you think I am? I was really fucking broken up by what he said."

"Oh, Christ, so you're a freaking drama queen like Hummel now?" Santana sighed. "Couples really do take on each other's personalities, don't they?" She drummed her fingers as she stared impatiently at Puck's pathetic figure. "Okay, then. Get up."

"Get up?" Puck asked. Santana nodded as she picked his coat off the hook and threw it at him. "Where are we going?"

"Stop asking so many questions," Santana said irritably. "You sound like a virgin." Puck pursed his lips as he slipped into his jacket and put his gloves and beanie on.

"Hold on, let me tell my ma I'm going out," Puck said as Santana reached for the doorknob.

"Don't worry. You're not going far," she teased. As soon as she opened the door Puck squinted as he was met with blinding lights from his usually dark neighborhood. He stared slack-jawed at a towering menorah, probably ten or eleven feet high, with large lights standing in for the candle flames. It showered the pitch black neighborhood in warm light, and Puck saw that most of his neighbors had come out to stare in awe at the spectacle. He also saw that the entire front yard and driveway, including some of the street, was iced over, and skating around, dressed up in costumes of dreidels and pitchers of olive oil or candles, were the entirety of the New Directions, including Blaine and Ruthie. Santana smirked as she stepped onto the makeshift ice-rink, strapping on a helmet with a mini-menorah on top. She threw Puck a pair of skates as she glided easily over to where the others were waiting for him.

Puck laced up his skates and made his way to the base of the menorah where everyone was standing. Rachel pushed Finn forward, and he slid lamely over to Puck and apologized for their brawl.

"Look, Puck, about what went down at the mall," Finn began, scratching nervously at his _dreidel_ costume.

"Forget it, dude," Puck said, brushing off Finn's apology. "You were just protecting your little bro. If it were me and Hannah, I probably would have knocked the guy out, too." Finn smiled as he playfully pushed Puck back.

"I didn't knock you out," Finn chuckled. "I got you good in the jaw, though. And looks like your nose is gonna take some time to heal."

"Oh yeah? Well your eye is pretty dark, there Hudson," Puck bragged. "Must have gotten too close to the guns," he said as he flexed his biceps proudly. The entire Glee Club 'booed' at him, throwing trash and other small items at him for mentioning his guns for the millionth time that semester.

"Oh, dude, look," Finn said proudly. He skated closer to Puck and stretched his cheek to Puck's discerning eye.

"Are those stitches?" Puck asked as his fingers ghosted over the cut on Finn's face.

"Yeah, five," Finn said proudly. "It might even scar."

"Awesome!" Puck exclaimed jealously. He then ruffled Finn's hair and held him in a headlock before Finn fought his way out. The two hi-fived before Finn skated back to the group.

"Boys are so weird," Mercedes said as she eyed the odd way Finn and Puck forgave each other. Rachel and Tina, who were dressed as a potato and a pitcher of olive oil, respectively, nodded as they moved aside to let Kurt through.

"Hi," Kurt said lamely. He was dressed as _geldt_, the gold-foil wrapped chocolate coins shimmering on his body like large, circular stars in the night sky.

"Hey," Puck greeted back. The two stared longingly at each other, the silence stretching between them.

"Kiss him!" Rachel clapped, breaking through the quiet. Quinn and Tina held Rachel's hands, keeping her from clapping, but Puck couldn't help but smile at the smaller girl's good-natured intrusions.

"I'm so sorry for everything I said," Kurt said lowly. "I didn't mean it. None of it. I was just…so heartbroken at what I saw, or what I thought I saw, that I said anything I could think of to hurt you. I overreacted. I'm a complete and utter idiot, no excuses. I just hope - ." Here Puck shushed him, his finger pressing into Kurt's lips. He then leaned down and kissed his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around him to bring him closer.

"So, you forgive me?" Kurt asked tentatively.

"What do you think, Princess?" Puck asked, his sweet breath warming Kurt's face.

"Oh Noah," Kurt whimpered, throwing his arms around Puck's neck. Their friends clapped and hooted, thankful the drama that had enveloped their lives and made them inadvertently touch sex toys, strip naked in the cafeteria, and send their coach into traction was finally over. "I really am sorry," Kurt said, grateful tears sliding down his face.

"I know," Puck said, his heart melting at the tears falling down Kurt's face. "I'm sorry I was such a dick and didn't forgive you sooner." His rough thumbs slid over Kurt's cheeks and wiped the tears away. He kissed Kurt again, crushing him in a warm embrace.

"Promise we'll never fight again," Kurt said softly.

"Babe, you know that's impossible. We fight. It's part of our awesomeness," Puck said as he nuzzled up to Kurt. "Besides, it makes the making up so great."

"Okay, if we fight again," Kurt said. Puck quirked his eyebrow and Kurt sighed. "Okay, _when _we fight again, let's just rush past the arguments to get to the forgiving part. Deal?"

"Deal," Puck agreed, kissing Kurt again. "I fucking missed you, babe."

"I missed you, too. I think that was the longest we ever stayed apart," Kurt sighed.

"Never again," Puck said, sliding his hands down Kurt's back to cup his ass.

"Whoa, dude, not in front of the holy chandelier," Finn cried. Kurt turned back, blushingly, to see that all their friends were still watching them intently.

"It's a menorah, brainiac," Puck laughed. "Where did you guys get it anyway?"

"Rachel got if for us from a temple in Columbus," Quinn said in her costume as a candle.

"Jacob Ben Israel's uncle is the rabbi there," Rachel said. "Let's just say I had to do some unsavory things to acquire it."

"This doesn't have anything to do with those shots of Santana in her underwear that you had me Photoshop your head onto, does it?" Artie asked. He was dressed as a donut, and the boys transported him in a specially equipped sled.

"What?" Santana cried, looking angrily at Rachel. "That's not what you said those underwear pics were for! You told me if I posed in my skivvies I'd get a spot in the next Transformers movie because your dads are friends with Michael Bay!"

"Now is hardly the time to discuss it," Rachel said brusquely. "And besides, Santana, it's not as if there aren't worse pictures of you on your tumblr."

"Why aren't I following you?" Sam said as he took out his phone to check out her tumblr for himself. Mercedes grabbed it out of his hands and threw it across the ice. "Just kidding, Mercedes," Sam said quickly, wrapping his arms around his girlfriend from behind. He was dressed as Judah Macabee, and his large flowing beard tickled Mercedes as she melted into his embrace.

"Okay, so who did the skating rink?" Puck asked.

"That was my idea," Finn said proudly. "I saw them do it on an episode of _Hey Arnold!"_

"Nice," Puck said, fist-bumping Finn. "And the costumes?"

"It took two days to make them," Kurt said, relaxing tiredly into Puck's arms. "I'm exhausted."

"Well they're great, babe," Puck said, kissing Kurt yet again. He felt after nearly four days of not seeing or touching Kurt, he needed to make up for lost time.

"Thank you," Kurt said. "Happy Hanukkurt!" he exclaimed.

"Hanukkurt?" Puck chuckled. "Is that your new thing?"

"It's _our_ new thing," Kurt clarified. He then pulled his boyfriend down into another kiss, making up for lost time on his end as well.

"Cool," Puck smiled. Their friends dispersed, skating around the makeshift rink as Kurt and Puck continued to make-out by the giant menorah. Hannah ran out from the house, and Blaine and Santana held her hand as she went skating with them. Miriam and Nana came out as well, and Nana peppered Kurt's face with kisses, glad he was back.

"So how do you like your grand gesture?" Kurt asked as he skated with Puck.

Puck looked at the twinkling stars reflected in the crystal clear layer of ice beneath them, the menorah shining brightly on the happy faces of his friends who were either skating or having a snowball fight or stuffing their faces with Nana's _latkes_ and Miriam's _sofganiyot_, and finally down to the smiling, rosy cheeked face of the boy he loved.

"It's fucking awesome, babe. Best Hanukkurt ever." The two shared a kiss, with Puck adding, "But you know you could've saved yourself a buttload of trouble by just giving me a blowjob with some light finger-hole action."

"Who says that isn't your gift for the final night of Hannukurt?" Kurt asked deviously. Puck lifted him up, twirling him around on the ice, making Kurt scream with laughter.

"Now _that_ would make this the best Hanukkurt ever," Puck conceded, letting Kurt down and leading him to the house where they knew they wouldn't be missed.

**The End**

**Happy Puckmas, Hanukkurt, and 2012!**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So another story can finally be filed under 'Complete'. That only leaves about four more that I have still going…yeah. That's not daunting at all. Well, hope you liked this one, and sorry again it took sooooo looonnnggg for it to be finished. **

**And btw, you guys were **_**ruthless**_** with your reviews for Ruthie (pun!) and Puck last chapter. You really thought what Puck did was unforgiveable. Come on! He's gay, she's a big ole lezz, they had, like, a peck on the cheek (did I mention that? Or did I write it as a full-on kiss? Well to Kurt it looked like a full-on kiss, but it wasn't. Like he said himself, he overreacted) and some tickling and shared laughter. And Puck knew Kurt was at the mall, why do you think the pipers were there? So he wouldn't have cheated on him knowing he was there. Come on, give Puck some sympathy. Kurt said the most hurtful things to him. Puck didn't deserve that. Not on Christmas Eve. But it's all over now, and Puck and Kurt are happy again, all is right with the non-canon world fa la la la la, la la la la. **

**Thanks for reading and reviewing!**


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